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The Bert Show

Vault: What Happens When Your Wife Leaves for the Weekend?

The Bert Show

The Bert Show

News, Comedy, Entertainment News, Society & Culture

4.14.4K Ratings

🗓️ 6 May 2026

⏱️ 10 minutes

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Summary

Vault: What Happens When Your Wife Leaves for the Weekend?

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

You're on the Virtue.

0:02.0

The house, my house right now is the construction zone that, like, you see in movies and stuff

0:10.9

where they have the plastic up and like rooms are blocked off and everything because we're

0:16.1

getting a bunch of painting done.

0:17.6

They're getting a bunch of stuff done, but we're getting painting and drywall stuff done.

0:20.6

And they're doing the ceilings right now. They're going to paint the ceiling, so everything from the edge of the ceiling down is just covered in plastic. And the whole house is like Operation whatever, rehab, right? So they're going to paint the ceilings today, and then they're going to have to take all that stuff down and we're going to put the house back together and it's going to have to be normal

0:40.4

for the rest of the week and then next week they're going to do it all over again when the logic would

0:45.5

be just to leave it all up right and just get it all done right now not allowed to do that not allowed

0:51.0

to do that no because jessica won't allow me to pick out paint

0:54.5

colors in our house. Why doesn't she trust you? Because I'll pick the wrong ones. Have, do you have a history of picking the wrong ones in the past? No. She does. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. But She thinks she's doing and you do, you think she does. Well, I don't really pick any. Look, I, you know, sometimes, look, I don't pick any. I don't think I've ever really picked and said I definitely want this one. I picked my office, which I think looked really good. What I know looks really good because people compliment me on it. But the rest of the house. The one office in your house? Yeah. Not the color in this house. Okay. Tracy did that.

1:28.7

Because based on that, I'd say Jessica's right.

1:31.2

But, so yeah, Jessica picks out the paint and what happens, she has a very difficult

1:38.6

time with change and commitment and new.

1:44.2

And decision,

1:45.0

like decision making about this?

1:46.9

Because I think that paint color is probably the most difficult thing to make a decision about it.

1:51.2

Yes.

1:51.7

And I mean,

1:52.4

we have,

1:53.0

I think one of the biggest public fights that we ever got in was in the Home Depot

1:57.2

paint aisle.

1:58.1

And I'm pretty sure I threw a handful of those little paint squares at her. At some point in there and walked out. And I think the guy over there, mixing the paint, you know, run the big jiggler box thing, you know, mixing the, I don't even think he was alarmed. Any other time you see a man throw a handful of something at a woman, like, you're probably calling 911. He's like, oh, there's another. That's not his first row here. There's another one. But it was, because she's just so, um, fickle and whatever. So part of me is tempted to just do it because I know she'll like it once it's done. Oh, boy. See, that's what Katie and I did the whole, each room is a different person's responsibility. And that alleviates any fight. So we've divided our house up into, in half. And we did room by room. And I can't say anything about the room she's in charge of and vice versa. Yeah. I mean, but. Yeah, like, yeah, I guess I do. No, I do, but I mean, it's not what you would pick, but.

...

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