The Bird Show

You two are out of control with this fantasy that you're going to go to the Olympics in four years.

That's what America is all about. To serve our country in an athletic event. It's about fulfilling your dream. What is wrong, Jen Hobby? Why do you try to hold me down? You are delusional. That is not true. Don't let hurt. You know what? Every one of these athletes. I'm not looking. competing in the Olympics.

I'm not looking at you.

Right now, at one point or another, somebody has said you can't.

And you know what? They said, I can't. And they did. And they are. Well, here's the difference. You said athletes. Oh. Just because she can't win softball during the tournament a couple weeks ago. And you have a history in medals already. I mean, you've got a built-in resume. That's right. And I was VIP on my Little League All-Star team back in like the eighth grade. So I have it in me. I got the jeans sister. I have the love of my country, Jen, in my heart. Okay. And what are you guys going to perfect in the next four years? All right, Mrs. Miss cynical. Okay, let me tell you what I found, because I've been doing research while we've been, you know. Melissa and I got caught up in the Olympics. And we both had the same thoughts over the last couple of days like, you know, for the most part, the Olympics are for like 22 and 23 year olds, which we are not anymore. But there's got to be something that we could still... You're in Torres, 41. Whatever. There's one right there, but you can't take up swimming at our age and think you're going to win a gold medal. Of course not. But there has to be some kind of category where there are so few people and so few teams interested that Melissa and I can pick it up and within four years be on TV and you can be watching us in London, England.

What was that?

London, England.

You're like a little awsey.

You know what?

Your vibe, your negative vibe.

This secret that you keep preaching about, whatever.

I'm trying to use it now.

So just, you know, whatever. What are you guys going to play? So I was trying to find a sport. My strategy was, well, let me find a U.S. team that is very small. Because obviously if it's a small team, that means there's not very many people in the country that do it. So that means that we can make the team. and I did find that there is no U.S. handball team.

Handball is a... means there's not very many people in the country that do it, so that means that we can make the team. And I did find that there is no U.S. handball team.

Handball is a sport in the Olympics, but there is no U.S. handball team men or women. How hard can that be? What's handball? It's like, I mean, you take a ball and you hit up against the wall like that. You hit it and then it bounces back and then you hit it again and then the other dude misses and you get a point.

It's like racquetball with your hand?

Yes. Yes. Dude, you already did racquetball. I already did rakeet ball. And I got a silver. I mean, come on! I wonder if there are just no good handball teams, because you have to qualify for the Olympics. So I wonder if they got their horses kickback. But you qualify for your country to go to the Olympics. So you would compete against other Americans in order to go. And there is zero handball teams. Now I'm talking like I know what I'm talking about, but according to NBCOlympics.com, there is no American handball team. There are 12 handball teams and they are not from the United States. So we need a handball team to go to London. How hard can that sport be? I used to play as a kid all the time. I mean, you're here, right? And the competition's right there. He hits it against the wall. It bounces once. You hit it against the wall. If he can't get it on one bounce, then you get yourself a point.

Who are the champions? Anybody can play that. But like a total of 12 men's teams will compete in Olympic handball tournament. And U.S. is not one of them. So that was the men. Who are the champs? Like, who do you need to keep your eye on over the next four years? I don't know. What country are we gunning for?

Hold on a second.

Let me find out.

I was't know. What country are we gunning for? Hold on a second. Let me find out. I was telling these guys the other day, like, I've only shot a gun twice my whole life. My friend has a target range at his house, and he's got one of those things where the little rabbits sort of go in a circle, and you got to shoot them as they go along.

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