I'm going to ask a hard question, you don't have to answer it.

Did you contemplate like that?

I really did not and I'll tell you one time I remember I was in the hospital and I was

with my mom and I was like waiting to get some kind of scan or something and it was taking

forever and I remember asking my mom about it was like the only time death across my mind

and she looked at me like this is crazy.

I don't know that I've ever talked about this before, publicly, but probably you get

a lot of this mind because you're, who doesn't want to tell you so.

And I remember my mom looked at me with both eyes, which is a really hard thing to do because

I'm not, now I'm going to make, but like, you know how you normally look at one eye.

Okay.

She looked at me with both eyes.

She looked at me dead in the eyes.

No, no.

I'm not funded.

Okay.

And she said Vanessa, you're not going to die and then I was over it.

That's the only time I remember being scared because I think I was so optimistic about

it.

I just wasn't letting myself sort of go into that space.

It's my ambiolic spray down.

She's going to break it down for you because you know, she knows a thing or two.

...