Validation Ladder: 8 Skills That Build Incredible Relationships | Dr. Caroline Fleck

The Art of Charm

http://www.TheArtOfCharm.com

Education, Health & Fitness, Business

4.7 • 11K Ratings

🗓️ 31 March 2025

⏱️ 63 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In today’s episode, we’re joined by Dr. Caroline Fleck—licensed psychologist, corporate consultant, and Stanford adjunct. With years of clinical practice and executive coaching under her belt, Dr. Fleck has developed powerful validation techniques that help high performers build authentic relationships and navigate complex conversations. Her groundbreaking work, detailed in her new book, Validation, transforms the way professionals connect both personally and professionally. Join us for a compelling conversation with Dr. Caroline Fleck as she reveals why the art of validation is your secret weapon—and how embracing vulnerability, strategic empathy, and even unconventional self-disclosure can transform your leadership. Dr. Fleck shares proven insights from her work in clinical psychology and executive coaching, and explains why emotional intelligence is your ultimate edge in today's fast-paced world. What to Listen For Introduction – 00:00:00 Why is validation psychology’s best-kept secret—and how is it different from praise or agreement? The Eight Levels of Validation – 00:04:10 What are the eight levels of validation, and how do they build on each other to create emotional depth and rapport? Why is attending the foundation of every meaningful interaction—and how can you practice it today? What makes copying such a surprisingly powerful way to signal connection and build trust? Contextualizing and Equalizing – 00:23:06 How does contextualizing help you understand behavior that seems irrational or frustrating on the surface? What’s the key to equalizing without hijacking the conversation or minimizing the other person’s experience? Proposing and Taking Action – 00:36:43 How can you “listen to the unsaid” and use proposing to surface unspoken thoughts or emotions? How can misusing action harm relationships—and what should you do instead? Emoting and Disclosure – 00:47:10 Why is emoting such a powerful signal of empathy, and how can you practice it without feeling awkward? What makes disclosure the highest—and riskiest—form of validation, especially in professional settings? Why emotional intelligence is more essential than ever in the age of AI A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at theartofcharm.com/sc and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our CIA-proven guide to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm. Curious about your influence level? Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence. Resources from this Episode Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life Dr Caroline Fleck’s website Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on LinkedIn Johnny on LinkedIn AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	So, you want to be a marketer. It's easy. You just have to score a ton of leads and figure out a way to turn them all into customers.
0:08.0	Plus manage a dozen channels, write a million blogs and launch 100 campaigns all at once.
0:12.5	When that's done, simply make your socials go viral and bring in record profits.
0:16.7	No sweat. Okay, fine. It's a lot of sweat.
0:20.5	But with HubSpot's AI-powered marketing tools,
0:23.2	launching benchmark-breaking campaigns is easier than ever.
0:26.7	Get started at HubSpot.com slash marketers.
0:30.0	Let me tell you guys, copying is some sweet, sweet magic.
0:33.9	We are all hardwired to copy.
0:41.6	As babies, we mimic the facial expressions of our parents and other caregivers. We have so-called mirror neurons that allow us to connect with what somebody
0:49.2	is feeling simply by virtue of copying their reactions. You and I, all of us, we will naturally
0:57.8	copy people more if we're attracted to them or we really like them. We tend not to copy when we do
1:05.9	not like somebody, when we disagree with them. And guess what? That's probably when you need it most, because that's when you're feeling the divide.
1:14.4	This one simple strategy is an incredible way to validate when you don't see much else there you can do.
1:34.6	All right, let's kick off today's show.
1:38.8	Today we're talking with Dr. Carolyn Fleck, and she shares psychology's most powerful relationship hack, validation.
1:41.4	Dr. Fleck is a licensed psychologist, corporate consultant, and an adjunct clinical instructor
1:46.1	at Stanford University. Her newest book, Validation, how the skill set that revolutionized
1:51.6	psychology will transform your relationships, increase your influence, and change your life,
1:56.1	is the first ever to make the validation skills therapists used to get through to anyone,
2:00.5	available to everyone. Today we're going to learn how to master the validation skills therapists used to get through to anyone available to everyone.
2:02.3	Today we're going to learn how to master the eight levels of connections that others miss,
	...

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