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Flying Free

Understanding Coercive Control and the Harms Inflicted on to Adult and Child Victims [350]

Flying Free

Natalie Hoffman

Emotional, Narcissism, Christianity, Abuse, Religion & Spirituality, Spiritual, Christian, Self-improvement, Education, Divorce, Marriage

51K Ratings

🗓️ 21 October 2025

⏱️ 67 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

“He doesn’t hit you, so it must not be abuse.” Yeah, no. That tired old line needs to die.


This week, I sat down with Dr. Christine Cocchiola, a powerhouse expert on coercive control, the kind of abuse that doesn’t leave bruises but instead, destroys lives. Christine breaks down how abusers don't need fists to dominate; they weaponize EVERYTHING from the court system, to churches, to your very own kids.


If you’ve ever been dismissed, disbelieved, or labeled “too angry,” this episode is a masterclass in seeing the invisible, calling it what it is, and taking your power back, even if you have to fake it ‘til you make it from the ICU of your life.


What You’ll Learn:
 

  • Why coercive control isn’t a form of abuse, it IS abuse. Period. Full stop.
  • How abusers hide behind charisma, charm, and a well-timed Bible verse.
  • The horrifying way the legal system often rewards abusers and punishes protective moms.
  • How abuse affects children, even when it’s subtle, and especially when it’s court-sanctioned.
  • Why your anger is holy fire, not a character defect.
  • How to start healing and parenting differently, even while walking through hell with a diaper bag.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

Christine M. Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW is an expert on the experiences of adult and child victims of coercive control. A college professor teaching social work, she received her doctorate in clinical social work from New York University working under the tutelage of Dr. Evan Stark. She presents nationally and internationally on the concept of coercive control with a focus on educating professionals, advocates, and protective parents, on the experiences of children and best intervention strategies for adult and child victims of coercive control/narcissistic abuse. Her Clinician Certification Training is ASWB approved for 14 CE’s. Dr. C is the creator of The Protective Parenting Program, a therapeutic evidence based attachment focused program for parents of children harmed by abusers and the co-author of FRAMED: Women in the Family Court Underworld.


Transcript

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0:00.0

Hi, this is Natalie Hoffman of Flying FreeNow.com and you're listening to the Flying Free

0:07.8

podcast, a support resource for women of faith looking for hope and healing from hidden

0:14.2

emotional and spiritual abuse. Okay, welcome to episode 350 of the Flying Free Podcast.

0:24.2

Today I have with me Dr. Christine Coachiola.

0:28.5

She's an expert on the experiences of adult and child victims of coercive control.

0:34.8

She's also a college professor who teaches social work and she presents nationally and

0:40.2

internationally on the concept of coercive control. And that is what we are going to be talking about

0:45.2

today. So welcome. Thank you so much for having me. Yeah. Let's just dive in by first defining what

0:53.3

coercive control is. And I'm curious first defining what coercive control is.

0:55.5

And I'm curious, how is coercive control different from other forms of abuse that we've talked about on this podcast, mainly emotional abuse, but also physical violence and maybe financial abuse?

1:09.0

There's so many different types of ways that women can be abused.

1:13.4

So tell us the difference and how would you define that?

1:16.8

Absolutely.

1:17.4

I think there's actually a misnomer out there that's problematic.

1:21.0

People see course of controls a form of abuse and even legislation calls it a form of domestic violence.

1:27.3

And that's actually incorrect.

1:29.3

It's actually the underpinning of it all.

1:32.3

Yes.

1:33.3

Right?

1:34.3

That makes sense.

1:35.3

Yeah.

1:36.3

And so, but again, that's the narrative that's out there.

...

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