Uber Ambulance

Net Positive with John Crist

John Crist

Stand-up, Religion & Spirituality, Comedy

4.8 • 1.2K Ratings

🗓️ 10 December 2025

⏱️ 79 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Taking hotel pillows, Chiefs Church, using an uber as an ambulance, and Gold, Glory, And Girls… On the net it’s a positive. ------ JOKES FOR HUMANS TOUR: https://johncristcomedy.com/tour/ 12/11 - South Bend, IN 12/12 - Munhall, PA 12/13 - Johnstown, PA 12/14 - Buffalo, NY 1/23 Joliet, IL 1/24 Effingham, IL 1/25 Nashville, TN 2/20 Springfield, MO 2/22 Louisville, KY 2/26 Ithaca, NY 2/27 Reading, PA 2/28 Glenside, PA 3/1 New York, NY 3/19 Milwaukee, WI 3/20 Jackson, MI 3/21 Rockford, IL 3/22 Cedar Rapids, IA 3/27 Columbia, MO 3/28 Fayetteville, AR x2 3/29 Little Rock, AR 4/10 Stockton, CA 4/11 Anaheim, CA x2 4/12 Thousand Oaks, CA 4/17 Tucson, AZ 4/18 Houston, TX 5/2 Fort Worth, TX 5/3 Amarillo, TX 5/14 Wilmington, NC 5/15 Evans, GA 5/16 Durham, NC 5/29 Jacksonville, FL 5/30 Asheville, NC 5/31 Columbia, SC 6/4 Mobile, AL 6/5 Florence, AL 6/6 Duluth, GA ----- Catch the full video podcast on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and follow us on social media (⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@netpositivepodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠) for clips, bonus content, and updates throughout the week. ----- Email us at netpositive@johncristcomedy.com ----- FOLLOW JOHN ON: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Twitter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ----- SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS ROCKET MONEY: Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions – and manage your money the easy way – by going to https://RocketMoney.com/netpositive MANDO: Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get $5 off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code NETPOSITIVE at https://shopmando.com ----- PRODUCED BY: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Alex Lagos⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ / ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Easton Smith⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ / ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Lagos Creative⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Think about cheese.
0:02.0	Make your thoughts cheesier.
0:04.2	Now add 100% chicken breast fillet, Chipotle sauce and Amadea cheese melt.
0:08.3	And it's giving the new cheesy chicken stack at McDonald's.
0:12.0	Did we mention it's cheesy?
0:13.9	Cheese.
0:15.8	Availments at the 4th of Jan, 2026 from 11 a.m.
0:18.1	Plus and participation may vary.
0:19.2	Subjects availability.
0:20.3	Welcome in, ladies and gentlemen, that positive. We're fired up for the holidays. What is it? December the 9th. December 9th. Hello? Oh, yeah, December 9th. Yeah, we're on. This is about the time, December 9, is about the time that people that don't have real
0:38.3	jobs take off for the holiday.
0:40.3	Yes.
0:40.7	You know what I'm saying?
0:41.4	Yes, especially in this town.
0:42.8	Yeah, or especially this town.
0:43.9	Or if you work at a company and you're, you know, during COVID, the government had to tell
0:50.8	you who is essential and who wasn't.
0:52.9	Right.
0:53.5	At December 9th, people are self-identifying as non-essential. Oh, nice. Is that fair to say? I'm not needed for the rest of the year. You know what I'm saying? This is a, yeah, I don't want to say it. It's a hack meme from the internet, but like let's circle back at the beginning of the year. Yeah. was doing that like it before like Halloween. Yeah. I think they invented that.
1:13.5	Yeah, they invented that.
1:14.5	Yeah. But L.A. was doing that like, like Halloween.
1:11.9	Yeah.
	...

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