You know, I was so impressed with the Democrat National Convention, I decided to change the format of this show

to make it more like the DNC. So for instance, before I begin today,

I'd like to acknowledge that the land I'm podcasting from is the traditional home of the Cherokee,

or the Chickasaw, the Chickamauga, the Chickfulayor, whatever the hell these primitives called themselves while they sat around

half naked and ridiculous little conical tents, smoking pipes full of God knows what before the

Europeans came and brought air conditioning and

things like that.

And I want to honor with gratitude, the land itself,

which, okay, doesn't really make a whole lot of sense

since it was just a bunch of dirt before we built stuff on it like

Yankee Stadium and super highways and other things the Indians didn't think of

because let's face it they never even invented the wheel they just sat around most days wondering why it was so hard to

get the wagons to move until they finally went back to smoking their pipes because

really who needs wheels when you're stoned out of your mind. Still we honor the

land because we want to sound as spiritual as the Democrats at

their convention, or in fact as spiritual as any bunch of unintelligible paganized atheists

gleefully returning to the bloody practice of human sacrifice, or women's health

care, whatever they're calling it nowadays.

So we honor the land and all those who lived upon the land until one day they looked

up and saw ships that had crossed the entire

Atlantic Ocean while they were sitting around smoking and wondering why their wheelless wagons

were just gathering dust like a pile of useless two-by-fours.

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