Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

And the other partner is always triggered by the emotional stress or maybe there's some trauma they haven't healed yet or dealt with where they resist it or they

just try to lie like how do you approach that conversation well i think the thing to do is you have

to talk about that outside of crisis you don't talk about it when something has gone off in the

ditch you never talk to a drunk about their drinking while they're drunk they can't walk while they're

sober yeah you don't talk about issues and resentment while you're angry with each other. Talk about it while things are common. Most people think, no, no, no, let sleeping dogs lie. I don't want to bring up an issue when there isn't one. No, that's when you need to talk about it. That's when you need to say, look, while we're getting along,

let's make an agreement that if I do something that really gets on your nerves,

you will tell me, and I promise to you that I will hear you out.

That's the time to talk about it.

Don't try to solve problems during crisis. Make your plan outside of

crisis. I think secondly, we have agreed that our objective when we disagree is not to get the other

person to agree with us, but to be heard. In fact, you don't even need to respond.

I'm going to tell you how I feel. And you tell me how you feel, and then we'll just walk away

and let that sit with the other person. And you know what? If you really love each other and you

really want to make the other person happy, most of the

time you will find a way to get the other person most of what they want.

But if your goal is, I'm going to make my point and you're going to agree with me, then

you're making it a win-lose situation.

Think about when you were in high school and you were playing

the Lancers. What were the signs in the hallway? Crush the Lancers. You'll smash the

lancers. Do you really want a win-lose situation with your partner? No. Crush my wife. Smash my wife.

You don't want a win-lose situation. Let me tell you how I feel.

...