Train Kebabs, Spaffing Jelly Beans & The Rick Stein of Sri Lanka

Phoning It In

Luke Oddie and Dan Wade

Sports, Volleyball

5.0 • 765 Ratings

🗓️ 16 April 2026

⏱️ 39 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In the inaugural episode of the new format, Luke and Dan immediately set a low bar for what constitutes a podcast.

Luke recounts his failed attempt to starve himself into a tailor-made Vietnamese suit for the Grand National. Naturally, this health kick devolves into grand-scale ice cream larceny, a £250 panic-bet, and shameful train kebabs.

Meanwhile, Dan shares the highlight of his adrenaline-fuelled week: watching Saturday Kitchen.

Plus, the boys tackle the logistics of spaffing jelly beans, Hilary Devey’s abysmal taste in music, and why Kenneth Williams forced his dinner guests to defecate into Tupperware.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	So I went to the Grand National this week.
0:24.0	Yeah, I know you told me the other day.
0:26.1	So I had to fit into my suit.
0:29.8	Yes!
0:31.1	So, as you know, when I got married,
0:35.1	it was probably the slimmest had been for quite a while.
0:37.7	Who was your witnesses again?
0:39.6	My mum, Diane, and Claudia's mum, Laura.
0:42.9	So?
0:43.7	She could have been drunk.
0:45.4	There's no telling that that's a legal marriage.
0:47.9	All I'm saying.
0:49.7	There's no telling my wife wasn't drunk.
0:51.7	What doesn't fall far from the tree?
0:55.2	And so I... You're telling your mum wasn't drunk. I wouldn't fall far from the tree. Until your mum wasn't drunk.
0:58.1	That is also true.
0:59.9	Absolutely sozzled.
1:02.1	I had to fit into the suit that I wore to my wedding.
1:07.2	So obviously, Dan, as you know, I got that suit made by little Vietnamese fingers.
1:12.8	That was a name.
1:14.5	In Hoyan.
1:15.7	Finger.
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Luke Oddie and Dan Wade, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Luke Oddie and Dan Wade and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.