TPP 460: How Do We Get Kids the Support They Need in School Without an IEP?

Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

Debbie Reber

Education, Kids & Family, Parenting

4.8 • 1K Ratings

🗓️ 21 August 2025

⏱️ 16 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this Parent Lean In episode, Debbie is joined by parent coach Margaret Webb to answer a listener's question about a challenge so many parents face—when your child seems to hold it together at school, only to fall apart at home. We get into what might be going on under the surface, including masking, the toll it takes, and how things like routines, 504 plans, and even spoon theory can help. We also explore ways to support smoother transitions from school to home and share ideas for helping your child conserve and replenish their energy throughout the day. In this special Parent Lean In episode, I’m talking with Margaret Webb about a question I hear often—how can we support our neurodivergent kids in connecting with neurotypical peers, especially when social skills don’t quite align? We unpack one listener’s situation with her sweet, social autistic son and talk about managing our own worries as parents, scaffolding playdates so they feel more successful, and finding the right playmate fit. It’s all about creating safe, supportive opportunities for connection—without putting too much pressure on anyone involved. Things You'll Learn from This Episode: Why understanding the unique challenges faced by parents of neurodivergent kids is essential for developing flexible, responsive parenting strategies How tools like 504 plans and consistent routines can support smoother transitions and reduce stress for neurodivergent children Why introducing concepts like spoon theory and early conversations about neurodiversity helps children better understand and advocate for their needs How recognizing and supporting your child’s masking behaviors can lead to greater emotional safety and authenticity Why identifying flow activities and creating simple transition rituals can help children regulate and recharge throughout the day How encouraging experimentation in parenting and promoting self-advocacy in kids fosters resilience and long-term independence Resources Mentioned: Dr. Mona Delahooke on the Power of Brain Body Parenting (Tilt Parenting podcast) Autum Romano on the Safe & Sound Protocol (Tilt Parenting podcast) Safe and Sound Protocol Autism Level Up The Autistic Burnout Workbook: Your Guide to Your Personal Recovery Plan by Dr. Megan Anna Neff Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	If I get my kid a phone, I'll be able to keep in touch with them all the time.
0:02.8	We'll be on it all the time.
0:04.1	He could walk to school by himself. She could see something, she shouldn't. He could chat with grandma. Friends, trolls. They can access anything on the internet. They can access anything on the internet. So, should I give my kid a phone? Growing up with phones isn't always easy. Introducing EEE safer Sims. Sims that help moderate usage and shield harmful content on any smartphone.
0:24.2	Choose EECF. Growing up with phones isn't always easy. Introducing EEE safer Sims. Sims that help moderate
0:21.4	usage and shield harmful content on any smartphone. Choose EEE safer Sims. Only on the UK's best
0:26.9	network. To verify best networks at EE.com.uk slash claims.
0:32.5	Hey there. I'm Debbie Reber and this is Full Tilt Parenting podcast for parents raising neurodivergent
0:39.1	kids in a strength-based neurodivergent affirming way. And this is a parent lean-in episode,
0:44.3	which means I answer listeners question often with the help of one of my parent coaches from the
0:49.8	differently wired club community. To submit a question for a future parent lean-in episode, just go to
0:55.0	TiltParenting.com slash lean-in. And that's TiltParenting.com slash L-E-A-N-I-N. And so today,
1:04.3	Margaret Webb is joining me. If she's not on your radar, Margaret is the author of the wonderful
1:09.3	new book, A Hero's Journey in Parenting, Parenting
1:12.4	the Child you didn't expect when you were expecting. And I'm also so fortunate that she is the lead
1:17.2	parenting coach in my differently wired club, where she provides a ton of support for the parents
1:22.7	in that community. So thank you so much for being here, Margaret. I'm so glad to be here.
1:27.9	So let's get to today's question.
1:30.0	This one comes from the mom of a seven-year-old, and she wrote to us,
1:33.7	My son thrives in school and therefore doesn't qualify for an IEP.
1:38.8	The issue is he is basically masking all day.
1:41.8	He comes home either amped up, falling apart, or no energy at all.
1:46.0	Weekends on holiday breaks are a disaster when he's out of his routine. How do we get kids the
	...

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