Tortoise Orgasm
The Two Pints Podcast!
Formidable
4.9 • 1.6K Ratings
🗓️ 8 October 2025
⏱️ 17 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Will has been delving into weird facts about Animals, and when we say weird, me mean WEIRD. You don’t get this on David Attenborough Documentaries!
This Episode is sponsored by Numan.com. Head to Numan.com/twopints for 60% off a testosterone blood test to check your levels. Visit Numan.com/twopints now and take charge of your health. Always read the label. Complete home blood test kit subscription, subject to availability, T&Cs apply.
Don’t forget we’re off on Tour in November, all the details at https://twopintspodcast.co.uk/.
Podcast live on a Monday - 🎙️ & 📹
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Swift Half 🍺 live on a Friday - 🎙️ & 📹
W&R x
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | They did it again. Flower, instead of flowers, on my birthday. And 95 minutes late, but it's hard to leave when you've shared so much. Your postcode, your gluten intolerance. Then I saw it. 25% off your first Akado shop, plus free delivery. And I just knew I'd found the online supermarket of my dreams. Akado, life delivered. |
| 0:23.5 | Geographical restrictions, min spend 60 pounds and charges apply. Max saving 20 pounds, new customers only, |
| 0:28.8 | terms at Accato.com. Poppy's come to the end of her work visa. She partied most nights and now |
| 0:33.9 | can't afford her flight back to the UK. Her parents are annoyed, but not too worried. |
| 0:38.0 | With their HSBC Premier bank account, they can transfer money to her account abroad at HSBC UK's best exchange rates. |
| 0:44.3 | So more of their hard-earned cash actually reaches its destination. |
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| 0:49.9 | Search HSBC Premier. |
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| 1:03.6 | Will? |
| 1:04.3 | Why are you watching? |
| 1:06.5 | Will. |
| 1:07.5 | You just watched a tortoise orgasm. |
| 1:15.1 | Thank you. Will. Did you just watch the tortoise orgasm? Hello people. |
| 1:16.4 | Welcome to... |
| 1:17.5 | Sorry, what are you laughing at? |
| 1:18.4 | I hate that. |
| 1:19.2 | What? |
| 1:19.5 | I hate people. |
| 1:20.0 | Yeah. |
| 1:20.8 | You do it all the time on your Instagram, I can't stand it. |
... |
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