To Get What You Want, Be Both Assertive and Warm

Women at Work

Harvard Business Review

Entrepreneurship, Workplace, Business/management, Business/entrepreneurship, Progress, Resources, Gender, Equality, Business/careers, Women, Hbr, Careers, Management, Business, Harvard, Human

4.8 • 1.5K Ratings

🗓️ 28 October 2024

⏱️ 40 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

When you’re interacting with people at work, how often do you find yourself deflecting praise, downplaying your accomplishments, or responding “busy!” when someone asks how you’re doing? Why are those such common habits, especially if they so often leave us feeling fake? Alison Fragale, a professor of organizational behavior, offers an alternative: bring genuine strength and friendliness to everyday interactions because that combination gets women the success we deserve.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Over 40,000 businesses have future-proofed their business with NetSuite by Oracle, the number
0:06.8	one cloud ERP, bringing accounting, financial management inventory, and HR into one platform.
0:14.2	Download the CFO's guide to AI and machine learning
0:17.1	for free at net suite.com slash women at work.
0:23.6	You're listening to women at Work. You're listening to Women at Work from Harvard Business Review.
0:26.5	I'm Amy Gallo.
0:28.2	Have you ever had one of those aha moments where you realize that the way you've been thinking about an important
0:34.4	concept has been all wrong. I had one of those recently, thanks to Allison Fregale.
0:40.1	She completely shifted my perspective on what it takes for women to get power, more money,
0:46.1	greater authority, the opportunity to influence decisions.
0:50.0	Allison studies organizational behavior, how employees act and interact, which she teaches at the
0:55.8	University of North Carolina.
0:58.0	She recently published a book called Likeable Badass, how women get the success they deserve. Here's the line from that
1:05.4	book that changed my thinking. Women are not penalized for the presence of
1:10.6	assertiveness, they're penalized for the absence of warmth. I had
1:15.7	always believed that these two qualities, assertiveness in warmth, were in
1:20.0	conflict, especially for women. It's what's known as the double bind. The idea that you have
1:25.8	to make a trade-off. You can either be seen as competent by demonstrating your expertise,
1:31.5	giving tough feedback, or claiming your authority, or as likeable,
1:36.7	by validating other people's feelings, being personable, and making others feel seen,
1:41.8	but you couldn't be both at the same time.
1:45.7	Allison argues that's not true.
	...

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