Time Starts Now (with Michael Cruz Kayne)

Keeping Records

Headgum

Comedy, Society & Culture, Places & Travel, Comedy Interviews, Documentary

5 • 726 Ratings

🗓️ 17 September 2021

⏱️ 58 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

It's a no-holds-barred episode. Weddings, canceling plans, CHANGING plans, appetizers, monkey bread, they're all on the chopping block, and you can be sure the podcast premise is gonna take a LONG time to get to. Thankfully, comedian, actor, and writer Michael Cruz Kayne (The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, Late Night with Seth Meyers) is here to move the show along and advocate for his Golden Record. He's got basketball players that don't look like basketball players, musicals and overzealous singers, crispy red meat, and a man reaching into his underwear to make him feel like he's never felt (in a non-sexual way, it's a massage thing). Michael's Artifacts Personalities, represented by the human actor Richard Schiff (human specimen) Nikola Jokić (human specimen) People who sing the harmony on happy birthday and really go for it (human behavior) The burnt bits of a steak (food) Every musical (audio-visual) Physical therapy (human behavior) Follow Michael on Twitter and Instagram, and listen to his new podcast A Good Cry, premiering September 30th! -- Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript

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0:00.0	This is a headgum original.
0:03.0	In 1977, NASA sent two solid gold records into space, so that aliens might find them and understand life on Earth.
0:20.0	I sent greetings on behalf of the people of our planet and friendly wishes to all who we encounter this voyager.
0:27.7	Now, we're making new records with our friends.
0:31.7	Hello, good-jord, our moon.
0:32.8	Honitjia and saludos at all of us.
0:34.6	We step out of our solar system into the universe seeking only peace and friendship.
0:42.9	We know full well that our planet and all its inhabitants are but a small part of this immense universe that surrounds us.
0:52.8	Hello from the children of planet Earth
0:55.3	Oh, wow, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, well, well, well, well, so
1:03.6	Caleb.
1:05.5	Oh, you're flirting with me.
1:07.4	Yeah, I saw that really cute picture of you that you reposted to your story today,
1:11.4	and now I'm interested. You did tell me that I looked cute on Instagram today, which you never,
1:16.8	you never really compliment me. You never really compliment me. I once told you, I once told
1:21.1	you that you had a nose that people get plastic surgery to have. That was months ago. But it was
1:27.1	one of the nicest things I could have said.
1:29.0	Yeah, because I never thought about it that way.
1:30.8	But now every time I look in the mirror, I look at my nose and I go, it is pretty perfect, huh?
1:35.1	Huh.
1:35.8	Also, it's pretty tough when you start getting compliments on your nose.
1:39.1	It's not, you know what I mean?
	...

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