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Church of Lazlo Podcasts

Thursday, 8.14.25

Church of Lazlo Podcasts

Audacy

Comedy

4.91.7K Ratings

🗓️ 14 August 2025

⏱️ 119 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Modern technology has made being on parole MISERABLE! Lazlo claims that SlimFast peed himself in court. Are the green dildo’s thrown on the WNBA courts sexist? Or a part of some crypto coin? In Headlines, the guys discuss the postal worker that was sentenced to 30 years after stealing checks and cards, Taylor Swift breaking the internet, Harvey Weinstein may be getting re-tried, Amazon Drones coming to Kansas City, Nathaniel Lowes’ grand slam, Matt Rife in the E.L.F. commercial, and much more! Stream The Church of Lazlo podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts!

Transcript

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0:00.0

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.

0:11.2

Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness.

0:17.9

For he is truly his brother's keeper and finder of lost children.

0:23.6

And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger, those who

0:30.6

attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.

0:34.6

And you will know my name is the lord when i lay my vengeance upon me ladies and gentlemen

0:43.1

the church of laslo has begun yo yo my man how are you never been better how are you i'm great

0:51.8

good hey so i stopped into my uh and i think well maybe

0:56.5

you'll know about this maybe you'll be like yeah of course and i'm just like i'm the guy who's

1:00.9

out of touch it made me feel bad what happened well i stopped into my i want to say the place but i

1:05.5

stopped into my regular place to gas station yeah and to get you know coffee and drugs and so i buy the cratum right and uh the guy behind

1:18.2

the counter he's like what you know what is that what is it he's like because you know a few people

1:23.0

come in and buy it he's like but i read the ingredients. I was trying to figure out what it was.

1:28.1

He said, says it has California poppy in it. He's like, I don't know. He's like, and I'm like, well, I said, you know, it gives you energy and a little bit of a buzz. And he's like, oh. Like, I don't want to, you know, whatever. I don't want to get into a discussion about what it is. and he's like yeah

1:25.2

I was just wondering if I would get busted if I took it

1:27.5

and I was like oh want to, you know, whatever. I don't want to get into a discussion about what it is. He's like,

1:44.2

yeah, I was just wondering if I would get busted if I took it. And I was like, oh, and then he lifts

1:49.3

up his arm and he's got a patch on his arm. Okay. And I'm like, okay. And I'm like, what are you

1:56.4

trying to quit smoking? Like, you know what I mean? And, is it, and he's like, no, you know, says something.

2:04.2

And then he says something about two things.

2:08.2

One, his wife or girlfriend or whatever, has one of those blow things for the car.

2:13.7

Oh, okay.

...

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