So in our early years we are vulnerable beings and it's very important for us to establish a secure connection with the people that take care of us,

parents, siblings, and then eventually peers in school and teachers. We learn over the course of our early years in life to, we observe which kind of behaviors are rewarded with secure positive connection and which kind of behaviors of ours,

which emotions, which impulses lead to difficulties in our connection and our relationships.

Really, it's our only job as children to learn how to connect securely with other human beings.

That's what we are, we spend the first most emotionally impressive years of our lives doing, which is learning to connect, human beings being, the

social beings that we are, it's deeply embedded as basic drives that It's how important it is for human beings in order to survive how much we need to be able to make secure relationships with the people that are around us.

We develop what are essentially coping strategies, a set of behaviors that allow us to

survive in our family systems. And these coping strategies, essentially a set of behaviors and impulses that we rely on to sustain being seen by the people around us in a secure way without being

abandoned or rejected or judged or criticized. We rely on strategies such as we might become, if we realize in our family systems that certain needs won't be met, we become very self-reliant and we don't share a lot of the negative emotions that we

experience because we're so used to being by one parent or another or both, we're used to maybe not being empathically,

compassionately heard when we are experiencing sadness or anger or fear.

Others of us who grow up in families where one of the parents is completely childlike, become caretakers of our own parents, which means we give up

getting our needs met and we instead take care of one or both of our parents so that we can maintain a relationship

but we don't on the other hand ever have to be vulnerable around them.

Some of us will become grandiose and narcissistic as the only way we can maintain

secure connection by constantly calling attention to our successes and our achievements. That's the only way we can get recognition.

I feel very comfortable in suspecting that that's the only way Trump got any attention from his father was by

grandiose ever escalating

overarching

statements of his abilities and his achievements. overarching statements and continually shunting the attention away from any area where he wasn't doing so well.

Introverts are essentially people that learn that they are safest

in social situations by simply listening and not risking to be vulnerable and spontaneous.

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