Hello, buglers. What you're about to hear was recorded on Tuesday evening UK time in between the leader of the free world announcing that he would destroy an entire civilization and the same leader of the free world announcing that, nah, he couldn't be asked.

Such is the lot of topical news-based audio newspapers for visual worlds. Here is the show recorded, as I said,

a few hours before what was at the time

the deadline for destruction before Eternal Peace had broken out.

The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Hello, buglers, and welcome to issue 4,374 of the Bugle.

I am Andy Zaltzman. It is the 7th of April 2026 here in London,

in the hearts of British civilization, one of many civilizations, nervously waiting to find out

if we're the ones who are going to die tonight, as predicted by the White House Nostradamian.

He didn't specify which civilization it's going to be,

so we'll just have to wait and see.

If you're listening to this, I guess,

given the producer Harry,

we'll be editing this here in Britain

after the civilisation slaying deadline has passed,

will have got away with it,

in which case,

hello again and welcome

to issue 4,374 of the world's leading

and only audio newspaper for a visual world.

In this week's show, we are spanning a multiplicity of continents, hemispheres, times of day,

and likelihoods of being included on the next Artemis mission.

...