The Way You Communicate Is Costing You Connection | Jason VanRuler
Typology
Ian Morgan Cron
4.7 ā¢ 3.2K Ratings
šļø 4 June 2026
ā±ļø 48 minutes
šļø Recording | iTunes | RSS
š§¾ļø Download transcript
Summary
What if the reason your closest relationships feel stuck isn't about how much you care ā but about how differently you and the people you love communicate? Today, I sit down with Jason VanRuler, therapist, Enneagram Two, and author of Discovering Your Communication Type: The 5 Paths to Deeper Connection and Stronger Relationships, as he introduces us to his P.A.T.H.S. framework ā five communication styles he identified through years of working with couples navigating betrayal, teams in conflict, and individuals trying to understand why the same words land so differently depending on who's in the room. Those five types: the Peacemaker, the Advocate, the Thinker, the Harbor, and the Spark.Ā
The nine Enneagram types map fascinatingly onto these five communication styles, and we walk through each type together. We talk about blind spots (every communication style has one), what happens to our style under stress and in conflict, and why the most generous thing you can do in any relationship is learn to speak your people's language rather than demanding they speak yours.
Jason also shares honestly from his own marriage ā he's a Harbor married to a Thinker ā and what changed when he learned to stop reading his wife's precision questions as opposition and started hearing them as her version of love.
Whether you're an Enneagram enthusiast, a couples therapist, a team leader, or just someone who's tired of feeling unseen in conversations, this episode is for you.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hey folks and welcome to Typology, the show on which we explore the mystery of the human personality and the great human venture all through the lens of the Enneagram. |
| 0:14.0 | My name is Anthony Skinner, your producer and co-host. |
| 0:16.8 | We've got Enegram Type 2, Jason Van Ruler, who is a psychotherapist, author, and nationally recognized speaker joining us today. |
| 0:26.7 | He specializes in communication, attachment, and relationships. |
| 0:31.4 | He's got a great new book called Discovering Your Communication Type, The Five Paths to Deeper Connection and Stronger Relationships. We have a really informative and super-futable. your communication type, the five paths to deeper connection and stronger relationships. |
| 0:39.4 | We have a really informative and super fun conversation with Jason today. |
| 0:43.9 | I'm looking forward to you getting to hear it. |
| 0:45.9 | Hey, that's it for me, Anthony Skinner. |
| 0:47.7 | And without any further ado, here is the host of the show, Ian Crone. |
| 0:59.8 | Thank you. of the show, Ian Crone. Hey, typology friends. |
| 1:01.8 | Welcome, welcome, welcome back. |
| 1:03.8 | We're delighted that you're here today, as you heard in Anthony's brilliant introduction. |
| 1:14.2 | We have with us our new friend, Jason Van Ruler. |
| 1:21.6 | He is the author of the new book, discovering your communication type, the five paths to deeper connection and stronger relationships. |
| 1:24.6 | More importantly, he is an an anagram too. And we'll jump into that and tickle the ears of our helpers. |
| 1:30.0 | Tickle the ears of our helpers. Jason, welcome to the show. Hey, thank you so much for having me. |
| 1:35.1 | I'm excited to be here. Great. Before we get into the book, we often like to start by asking guests |
| 1:41.3 | how they've discovered the Enigram and what it was like to recognize, |
| 1:45.2 | in your case, that you were a two. What was that journey like? And how did it land? |
| 1:50.9 | Yeah, well, it was good to realize that I'm in the right place as a therapist. So I have returned |
| 1:56.6 | home. So I think it was shortly after my master's program that I was really seeking out, |
| 2:03.9 | how can I better understand people? And I think one of the best ways we can do that is by |
... |
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