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These people just make noise and basically waste our time.

Dear members of the media and the public, I welcome you.

Live from the heart of Atlanta, Georgia, and beyond,

hour one of the Von Hessler Doctrine begins right now.

I am your lovable,

huggable,

radio chat host,

Eric von Hessler.

The other voices you hear

are the doctrinares.

Man of a thousand voices,

Tim Andrews.

Lady of 184.7 characters, Autumn Fisher, has the afternoon off.

We have the man behind the glass, George Clark, and the handsomest producer in all of

producery, Jared Yamamo.

Oh, man, celebrating a massive victory Monday, and it's Shaky Knees Week. What a great Monday. What a great Monday.

That sounds like a guy pushing 40. Huh? Yeah. Okay. Listen, I'm not married to him. I don't have to deal with the fallout.

37 years old, still like weeks away from, oh, and then that festival, your life is still, the calendar is still

dominated by, uh, music festivals, weddings, birthdays, we'll get to all that, get to all that in a moment. But it's a Monday and his mind is on the weekend already. Yeah, which tells me it's, we're going to get nothing but phoned it in. Yep. Phoning it in all week long, just so he can get to shaky knees. That's all right. We'll take that because, and also I got to get to

later, I, I drank so much beer this

...