These people just make noise and basically waste our time.

Dear members of the media and the public, I welcome you.

Live from the heart of Atlanta, Georgia,

Hour 1 of the Von Hessler Doctrine begins.

Right now, Eric Von Hessler returns to the doctrine on Monday, which is August 4th, I believe.

You got your doctrinares, me, Tim Andrews, Autumn Fisher, the person behind the glass, Colby Richardson.

Hello, Colby.

Hello, how's it going?

Pretty good. How are you?

I'm great.

Awesome.

And, of course, the handsomest producer of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Jared Yamamoto. Hey, listen, I'm just celebrating the birthday for the Internet today. The Internet turned 36 today. Happy birthday. How'd you celebrate? Well, after you read the story and went, oh, yeah, it's the internet's birthday today. You know what?

I feel like it's going to be a big party tonight out in the ATL. It's going to be a fun time. People will be like, oh, go internet, go internet. It's an internet party. Wouldn't you just do everything by Zoom or get in a chat group and have a big old blast? People can live stream it that way. I'm going to celebrate old school by like joining a chat room and asking age sex location.

ASL.

Yeah.

And then I'm going to be 12 and pretend I'm 18.

Do you want to know how old I was the first time I saw ASL in a chat room?

How old?

15.

Oh, that's not that crazy. No. In the mid 80s, my buddy had a computer and we had CompuServe, so the internet's been around a long time. I was going to say, what was it, 37? 36. Yeah. 36. I'm sure, I feel like it's older than that, really. It is. Why is this the starting date? go you could go on to bulletin boards and chat rooms in the mid-80s because my friend,

like I said, had copies or maybe it was 86.

And we, well, we, he, I was no part of this.

...