Welcome to Deadcast, a podcast taking you through the week of sports lunacy.

Here are Deadspin, editor-in-chief Tim Marchman and columnist Drew McGarry.

I've got to go to a talent show tonight, Marchman, a school talent show.

It's going to be two and a half to three hours long.

How do I not?

How do I not die?

How do I...

There's no...

You can't just leave

because that's disrespectful

to the other kids

who are like banging out

like violin solos and stuff.

What if I...

What if in the middle of it,

I post a video of my daughter

smoking a bong hit with a gas mask.

So we can get the fuck out of there and do proper damage control.

That would certainly make it more exciting.

Yeah, the only thing I got to tell you is make sure your phones charge and put it on like low power mode so that it'll uh yes

you know it'll last as long as possible that's the or i i always like if i'm bored i whip out the phone

but i can't whip it out too long because i can't have the kid notice me looking at my phone

...