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Leading Saints Podcast

The Story Behind Pornography Use | An Interview with Jay Stringer

Leading Saints Podcast

Leading Saints

Religion & Spirituality, Christianity

4.81.2K Ratings

🗓️ 27 November 2021

⏱️ 60 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Jay Stringer is a therapist, author, and public speaker. He guides men and women to overcome unwanted sexual behaviors, and to discover how their story is shaping unwanted sexual behavior or betrayal trauma. He grew up as the son of a Protestant minister in the Presbyterian church, holds a master of Divinity and masters of Counseling Psychology, and is an ordained minister. Steven Shields, ACMHC CET1, is a therapist who acts as a guide to help others heal from trauma and addiction. As founder of Unashamed Unafraid, a non-profit organization, he hosts the podcast that shares hope for sexual addiction recovery. Unashamed funds scholarships for people to go to retreats and receive therapy. Steve works in his private practice in Salt Lake City, at OnSite in Nashville Tennessee, and at the Oaks in San Diego California doing trauma intensives and workshops. His favorite event to speak at is the WarriorHeart Bootcamp every year. Steve is unofficially the biggest Leading Saints and “KF” fan! In this podcast episode, Kurt and co-host Steve speak with Jay about how leaders can best provide help and guidance to those who have been affected by unwanted sexual behaviors. Jay Stringer Steve Shields Highlights 6:15 How can leaders help members with sexual brokenness? Leaders should stop trying to ‘manage’ the problem but try to help the member find the core problem. 8:10 Unwanted sexual behavior is a roadmap to healing, not a life sentence to sexual shame or sexual addition. 9:30 Leaders need to listen to the stories and experiences that are behind the unwanted behavior. 13:30 Invite people to take authorship and authority over their unwanted behaviors. It’s so much more than ripping out their behavior from their life. Behaviors and addictions come from somewhere much deeper. 17:00 Many people turn to unhealthy sexual behavior or porn because they lack purpose. 17:45 How can a leader create space to listen? Stories are what change the human heart. Stop the practical suggestions because they are not going to work. 20:10 Jay gives a list of questions that can help leaders in interviews. These questions will lead to stories and help the member connect the dots between the current unwanted sexual behavior and the past pain or underlying story. 22:30 You don’t have to be a therapist but a safe place for people to share their stories. People don’t always need suggestions but someone that has compassion for them. 30:00 How do you help members come to you to confess and talk about the problems they are having? 34:15 Shame convinces people to stay silent about their sexual brokenness. Leaders need to normalize talking about sex and porn. 40:45 Share your scars, not your wounds, when you are in leadership. Be vulnerable to share your scars and experiences too. God wants us to share our stories. 42:30 This is not just a men’s issue but a human issue. Many women are also viewing pornography and having affairs. 47:30 While connection and community are very important to recovery and healing it’s also very important to take time alone. You have to learn to sit with yourself and not just try to distract yourself all the time. 53:00 How can we find the right community? Links UnashamedUnafraid.com Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing The Journey Course Kintsugi pottery jay-stringer.com Instagram @jay_stringer_ Read the TRANSCRIPT of this podcast Get 14-day access to the Core Leader Library

Transcript

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0:00.0

We live in a world plagued by pornography and people are looking for help.

0:06.5

When an individual struggles with pornography, they often turn to their church leader for that help.

0:11.6

How does a leader help a person overcome the shame of this

0:14.6

issue and start seeing positive progress? How can a leader help youth to open up

0:19.4

about struggles with pornography? What are some lasting proven tactics that actually make a difference?

0:26.0

In order to help, Leading Saints has created the Liberating Saints Library with more than 20

0:30.8

presentations featuring individuals who have a unique perspective or expertise

0:35.2

around this topic.

0:37.0

Three of those most popular sessions are available to watch now.

0:40.8

Simply text the word lead to 4747 to start watching now or visit leading

0:46.4

saints.org slash liberating. And remember text the word lead to 4747.

0:52.1

In order to access the three most popular sessions of the

0:55.8

Liberating Saints Library.

0:58.7

Welcome back to the Leading Saints Podcast.

1:04.0

Leading Saints is a non-profit organization dedicated to helping Latter-day Saints be better prepared to lead.

1:10.0

And we do that through content creation, much like this podcast.

1:13.2

We have articles at leading Saints.org you should check out a weekly newsletter you should

1:17.6

subscribe to, also has unique content.

1:20.0

So let's jump into this week's episode. Oh, Today I'm not flying solo today. I have Stephen Shields on as a co-host with me today.

1:58.0

You're a former guest Stephen and well known among the leading Saints audience.

2:02.5

How are you today?

2:03.6

KF, as you are now going to be known

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