This is NPR's Life Kit and I'm Rachel Wilkerson Miller.

I'm normally over at Vice, writing about interpersonal relationships,

and today I'm here on Life Kit to talk about attraction.

Typically, when we talk about attraction, we think about the butterflies we feel.

A crush we're eyeing. A longing. Whether someone is our type.

But attraction isn't just some automatic feeling out of your control.

It's something you can question, cultivate, and learn from.

I think we tend to think about romantic love as this thing that happens to us,

that we don't have a ton of input on or a choice about.

And I think the reality is more complicated than that.

That's Mandy Len-Catrin, writer and author of the book,

How to Fall in Love with Anyone.

She says we have more choice than we think when it comes to romantic relationships.

We have these intense feelings, but we also have a lot of say over, you know,

who we go on a second date with, how open we are to, you know, connecting with all different kinds of people.

And we have some choice over like, who we want to invest our time and energy in.

In this episode of Life Kit, we talk to Mandy about what research can tell us about healthy

loving relationships and how to love smarter.

I wonder if you could talk a little bit about how people can get clear about what exactly they

need in a relationship or what they're looking for in a partner.

Yeah, that's a really good question.

I mean, I think there are some really like basic things that scientists have,

...