The Secret to Happiness: How to Feel Loved with Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Being Well

Education, Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Self-improvement

4.8 • 2.8K Ratings

🗓️ 22 June 2026

⏱️ 76 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Forrest is joined by one of the world's leading happiness researchers, Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, to discuss the real secret to happiness: feeling loved. Dr. Lyubomirsky explains the key difference between being loved and feeling loved, why self-improvement (usually) isn’t the answer, and how giving love leads to getting love. They then walk through five mindsets that help people both get more love and feel more loved. Other topics include the vulnerability paradox, capitalization and the importance of enthusiasm, using the mindsets to evaluate our relationships, polyamory and non-monogamous love, and AI companions. You can find Sonja's diagnostic quiz at howtofeelloved.com About our Guest: Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky is a Professor of Psychology at UC Riverside, and the author of a number of bestselling books including How to Feel Loved with Dr. Harry Reis. She is one of the most frequently cited well-being researchers in the world. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro: connection as the key to happiness 2:31: The difference between being loved and feeling loved 6:58: What love is 9:09: If only beliefs and the vulnerability paradox 19:36: Mindsets to embrace if you're looking for more love and connection 23:26: The relationship “sea”saw 31:44: Five mindsets to embrace if you want to feel more loved 51:51: AI companionship, polyamory, and MDMA 1:08:03: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Visit Rula.com/BEINGWELL to find affordable, high-quality therapy that’s actually covered by insurance. Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello and welcome to being well. I'm Forrest Hansen. If you're new to the show, thanks for joining us today. And if you've listened to before, welcome back. I am here today with one of the world's leading researchers on happiness, Dr. Sonia Lubermirski. So, Dr. Lubermerski, thanks for joining me today.
0:22.8	How are you doing? I'm doing great. I love hearing your voice for us. It's very calm and
0:27.9	reassuring and warm. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. So if you are not familiar with Dr.
0:33.7	Lubomirski's work, she is a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside,
0:39.0	and one of the most widely cited happiness researchers today.
0:42.7	She's the author of a number of books,
0:44.7	including The How of Happiness and the Myths of Happiness,
0:48.0	and her new book, written with the relationship scientist
0:50.8	Harry Reese, is How to Feel Loved,
0:53.1	The Five Mindsets That get you more of what matters
0:56.7	most. I talked with Sonia years and years ago on the podcast. It actually was before we were even
1:01.8	uploading to YouTube. So if you're watching there, unfortunately, you will not be able to find it
1:05.3	there. But if you look back through the podcast archives, you will be able to find that conversation.
1:09.5	Really enjoyed it. Looking forward to doing this again.
1:12.3	And I wanted to start with a question that I'm sure you are absolutely sick of, but it helps
1:16.0	get into this material.
1:17.6	So as the world's maybe leading happiness researcher, what's the secret to happiness?
1:23.0	The secret to happiness is feeling loved, feeling connected and feeling loved, which is
1:26.7	why I wrote this book.
1:28.4	I mean, I can give you a little background on that.
1:31.1	Totally.
1:31.8	1998, Bill Clinton is in the White House.
	...

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