This is the 10% happier podcast. I'm Dan Harris. Hello everybody how we doing this will likely come as no surprise to anybody who's ever

listened to this show but one thing that I really do not struggle with is using my

voice in fact I've been told on more than one occasion that I use my voice

way too much. However I'm well aware that this is not the case for many many

other people including for my wife Dr Bianca Harris who is joining me today as

a co-host for this interview our guest is Elaine Lynn Herring a former lecturer

at Harvard Law School who now works with companies and individuals to build

skills and communication, collaboration, and conflict management, which brief aside

are vastly undervalued in my opinion, those skills. Elaine has a new book out called

unlearning silence which is about how and when to speak up as well as how to stop

silencing other people which I have actually struggled with quite a bit, and unlearning that has been hugely helpful

to me.

In this conversation, we talk about how we learn silencing and self-editing, what the health

consequences can be, how we often miscalculate the costs and benefits

of speaking up, Elaine's four steps for how to learn to use your voice, the times when it actually

makes sense to stay silent and how we can unintentionally

silence other people, even people we love. And Bianca and I talk about our own experiences

with this dynamic in our own marriage.

We'll get started with Elaine Lynn Herring right after this.

But first some BSP, as you've heard me say before, the hardest part of personal growth, self-improvement,

spiritual development, whatever you want to call it.

The hardest part is forgetting.

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