So, Elisa, it seems to me that you are not a fan of the gentle parenting movement.

I am not.

I'm not a big fan of any parenting movement.

Like, I think it's not a religion, so we don't need to be religious about it.

There is not a scientist in the world that's like we are totally certain about anything in this particular,

very vulnerable area of raising kids. Humans are too complex.

Hey everyone, it's Adam Grant. Welcome back to Rethinking, my podcast with Ted on the Science of

What Makes Us Tick. I'm an organizational psychologist,

and I'm taking you inside the minds of fascinating people

to explore new thoughts and new ways of thinking.

Elisa Pressman is a developmental psychologist

and the author of the book The Five Principles of Parenting.

She co-founded the Mount Sinai Parenting Center and also hosts the popular podcast, Raising Good Humans. Turns out there's a lot we know about raising good humans, and a lot we don't. I invited Elisa to talk about what the research does and doesn't say about effective parenting. Over the past few years, we've become friends and she's met my family, which means

she's seen me parents a bit. So before digging into the literature, I wanted to start with a more

personal question. So, Elisa, I want to start in an unusual place here, which is... Oh.

You've seen me parent a little bit.

What am I doing wrong?

Unfortunately, you're doing so much right that it's going to be a short start to this conversation.

Not the answer I am looking for.

What is something I can do better as a parent from what you've observed? I love that you like feedback. There is absolutely no way that I have observed something that you have done in your parenting that's going to get you what you're looking for.

My only feedback might be that you have to stop thinking you can optimize here because

you've done it. Let's talk about what you do right, because maybe you'll see that you're

...