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The Gray Area with Sean Illing

The science of dating

The Gray Area with Sean Illing

Vox Media Podcast Network

Politics, News, News Commentary, Philosophy, Society & Culture

4.511.1K Ratings

🗓️ 24 June 2021

⏱️ 54 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Relationships journalist and podcast host Andrea Silenzi talks with Logan Ury, behavioral scientist-turned-dating coach, and author of How to Not Die Alone. They discuss the decision-making that gets in the way of our dating lives, the case for finding a life partner, and what dating looks like in a post-pandemic, app-driven world. Host: Andrea Silenzi (@andreasilenzi), podcast host  Guest: Logan Ury (@loganury), author; director of relationship science, Hinge References:  How to Not Die Alone by Logan Ury (2021; Simon & Schuster) Irrational Labs Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find — and Keep — Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller (2010; TarcherPerigee) Why Oh Why, podcast   Enjoyed this episode? Rate Vox Conversations ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Subscribe for free. Be the first to hear the next episode of Vox Conversations by subscribing in your favorite podcast app. Support Vox Conversations by making a financial contribution to Vox! bit.ly/givepodcasts This episode was made by:  Producer: Erikk Geannikis Editor: Amy Drozdowska Engineer: Paul Robert Mounsey VP, Vox Audio: Liz Kelly Nelson Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

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0:31.9

Hi, I'm Andrea Slensie. I'm a Relationships journalist, most recently at the

0:37.5

podcast Y-O-Y, and I'm your guest host this week on Vox Conversations.

0:49.9

So according to my wedding websites, ominous countdown clock, I'm getting married in 68 days.

0:55.4

And as much as I love Dan, marrying him has me reflecting on my dating career up

1:00.7

until now. And instead of thinking, how did I get so lucky, I can't get over what

1:06.1

took so long. From the age of 25 until 35, I obsessively tried to find Dan. I

1:12.3

went to every dog park making argue my husband dies at all the guys there. I

1:16.7

said yes to all the parties, all the workout classes, even when I wanted to say

1:21.3

no, I moved across the country twice when I felt like I'd run out of people on my

1:26.0

dating app. So even though I eventually met Dan, dating for a decade was not

1:31.8

great for me. And I'm not alone. In the US right now, there are more single

1:35.8

people than ever. And for those single people who survived the pandemic year and

1:40.4

a quarantine pot of one, we know that months without human touch took a toll.

1:45.8

So heading into hot back summer has the case for finding a partner suddenly become

1:50.1

more urgent. And how do we not get in our own ways? Logan Uri is the author of

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