If you're so down fed up of being manipulated, being pushed around, being stepped on, being

disrespected and dismissed, this first one may seem so goddamn obvious, but holy smokes, if you don't get ultra specific with this boundary, then you're utterly screwed. Do not cheat on me. You've got to listen to me. This one is so strong, but I know you're going to want to dismiss it. So please, I beg of you, lean in actually got a comment where people like release a while on earth do you have to tell your partner that a boundary is to not cheat on you while it may seem obvious and there's zero freaking judgment zero judgment there are many people that will forgive their partner there are many people that will actually take their partner back after they have been cheated on.

And so again, not freaking judgment on whatever is right for you,

but I know me and I know there is no way I can give myself

over completely to my husband and then have him cheat on me

and then be able to give over again.

I just know myself.

So this one guys is know they freaking self. Know if you are the type of person that will be able to live without or not because set your partner up for success. I literally wanted to set them up for success because while it may seem obvious, there might be a little part of him that thinks maybe she'll forgive me. I don't know if that's true or not, but I wanted to make sure that wasn't a possibility. That he knew up front. There were no words, no amount of sorry, no amount of flowers, no amount of begging, no amount of therapy. That would actually get me to forgive him if he cheated on me. So while I know you may want to dismiss this one, this is the biggest freaking one. I'm telling you. Now be honest with your partner about your non-freaking negotiables because there are some. So make sure you know or you've told them what your non-negotiables are. Alright now here's some beautiful nuance. I'm going to go deep on this one guys because again I think that if you can get this right it will honestly set you up for amazing success in your relationship. If you get it wrong, if relationship may be in the dust. Alright so we're gonna go deep. First of all you must define words. Now what do you mean by that Lisa? Alright so for instance one thing that may be cheating to me may not be cheating to my husband. Now, you are all going to want to try and dismiss what I'm saying. That's up to you. But I like to live in a world where I just face the realities of what I've seen, what I've heard and maybe what I've seen in the movies. But I'm just trying to mitigate the potential of me and my husband splitting up. So I go, okay, let's just embrace that maybe there are different levels of quote unquote cheating that are different to you and different to me. So let's throw a couple out for instance. Is flirting cheating? Now, if you ask me, flirting is not cheating. My husband can flirt with women. It actually doesn't bother me. I can flirt with guys. It doesn't bother him. Now when I say flirt, you have to almost also define what flirt means. Flirting to me means that you're like overly sweet. You may touch someone's skin. Maybe my husband turns around like a woman and I'm standing there. And let's say it's my sister and it's like, my god you look so beautiful like that dresser like is that flirting? Maybe, but it doesn't bother me. So understanding where your line is in the flirting genre and where your partner's line is. So actually perfect example. We were at a body building convention. It was right at the height of quest. So we had like massive booth, we had so many people coming up and there was one guy who was just whipped. His body guys was bang up and he was, I know him as well. So he just been competing. So if you've never been to a bodybuilding competition, they don't have shirts on and they are very tanned and oily. So you've got eight pack abs staring at you in the face, you got the pe peck staring at you and let's face it, I'm a woman and I really do get turned on by great bodies. So anyway, so this guy, you know, he comes over and he starts talking to me and again, I know him. And so I'm giggling and I'm touching his arm and I'm like, oh, oh, and from afar across the other side, my husband actually videos it and And he's zooming in. And he's like, this is my wife being very flirty. She loves to talk. She loves to interact with people just as well I'm not a jealous guy. And he's literally as he's filming my hands on the guy's arm. I don't even realize I'm doing it. So I need to be very clear about this. It wasn't that I went in and deliberately flirted with somebody

and I'm just like, oh my god, husband's got to do. You know, my husband's got to deal with it. No, it was like this automatic response where I was talking to a guy that I know, I start giggling, I touch his arm and it was so automatic I didn't even realize I was doing it. Now look, looking back at that video, the more husband film is like, yes, it didn't look like I was flirting with him,

but it didn't even realize I was doing it. Now look, looking back at that video that my husband filmed it's like yes it didn't look like I was flirting with him but it didn't bother him. Why? Because we've already had the discussion of what flirting means, what is okay and what is not okay. The second you're actually making a move on someone and you're saying hey I'm interested to take this further, how are you freaking shit? No that's where I draw the bloody boundary. There is no insinuation in the flirting. If there isn't a simulation that this could go further in the flirting, that is where I draw the line. So you have to understand, if I was with a different guy who, let's say, I don't have this discussion with, and I touch this other guy's arm, you can imagine, his jealousy goes through the roof, he starts freaking out. He says that I've crossed a boundary that I've disrespected it and me being the kind of like nonchalant like I didn't even dawn on me, I feel like wow, I totally like disrespected him and I didn't even mean to and then you have to try and figure out how you can overcome the argument. And so on and so forth. So I'm going to go back to where I started. You have to be very clear on what you actually mean. So there's a few more I'm going to throw out here guys. I am going to go keep going deep that I want you to start. So think about that you're going to sit down and talk to your partner about after you watch this video. So we spoke about flirting. What about porn? Dude, it never dawned on me. It never dawned on me that somebody else would perceive their partner watching porn as cheating. It's so, it's not in my vocabulary. Look, me and my husband so had this conversation like really early on. And I was like, of course you watch porn. You're a guy, like I don't care. I don't think if it is a threat to me. Now, if you are saying no to sex with me sex with me and instead you want to go watch porn there's a problem there but do I personally

perceive my partner watching porn as cheating? No. But there are some people, I wouldn't have believed it. But there are some people that actually do. Again, this is an adjustment thing. This is just like, oh my god, it didn't even realize. So if I didn't realize, guys, you can understand how, when there's seven point, what is it? Seven point two, seven point five billion people in the world that we're not all gonna think the same. So if you do not articulate very specifically about how you feel about flirting, how you feel about porn, then you're going to find, you will, I'm telling you, you will find yourself in a situation where this will wear its lug ugly head. Won't you prefer to address this before it does so that you guys are both on the same page? And now if they, let's say they flirt and to you, you've articulated what flirt means and you both recognize that that person now is crossing that line, you can have that discussion with them. You can say to them, hey, we sat down, we spoke, we were both on the same page with Pinkie's War, that this is what we're going to do and this is where the flirting now turns into interpretation of it being cheating. You just did this. Did you mean to? And now you can see you're not freaking arguing about whether it's right or not. You've really had that freaking discussion. You're now talking about, did they cross the line and if so, why? Now, guys, now you're getting to the root of what arguments and conflict and boundaries are all about. You get into the freaking root. Alright, I'm going to try one more. Because I really did think that I sat down there with my producer Michelle and we were like, what are all the things that people perceived as chicken? And so there was flooding, there was one, strip clubs. Let's actually talk about strip club, shall we? So, have you had a discussion with your partner about strip clubs? Now, notice I said discussion. So to me, it's not like I tend to my husband and say, you're never gonna go to strip clubs. Now notice I said discussion.

So to me, it's not like I tend to my husband say, you're never gonna go to strip clubs again because I think that's cheating. That isn't a two-way street and a conversation when it comes to boundaries. And I always think when you're talking in a relationship it has to be two-way as good. It could not be one of the view-fricing dictating. So even with my non-negotiable right where I said earlier about cheating, it was like,

I told him ahead of time. it has to be two ways, guys. It could not be one of the view-friccundictating. So even with my non-negotiable right where I said earlier

about cheating, it was like, I told him ahead of time. And then he had the chance to choose whether I was the right partner. He's like, well, screw that. I want to be with someone that can be flexible, at least he knows. But now we know from the beginning, right? We haven't invested one, two, three, five years.

And then all of a sudden, you realize

that someone's got a bachelor party

and your partner goes to the strip club.

And you think, five years. And then all of a sudden, you realize that someone's got a bachelor party and your partner

goes to the strip club.

And you think, oh yeah, we're on the same page. And then what happens? You start like, wonder if you've got a lap dance? Have you spoken about it? Have you spoken about it? Have you spoken about it? So I allowed or not? What if you did get a lap dance? And he was just like, oh my god, I so didn't think that that was cheating.

And you haven't told him that maybe you don't perceive that as cheating.

Now where do you go?

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