The Reluctant Partner is a Misread

The Jesse Mecham Show

YNAB

Kids & Family, Education

4.7 • 1.1K Ratings

🗓️ 7 September 2020

⏱️ 5 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

We're all familiar with the situation. A person reads a book, learns a new skill, or discovers a method, and gets REALLY INTO IT. Brimming with enthusiasm, they share it with their partner and try to get them involved, only to be met by reluctance and intransigence. The reluctant partner is a common trope, even when it comes budgeting!

The idea that your partner is dragging their feet because they don't share your goals about budgeting and personal finance, however, is a false one. In Jesse's and the YNAB team's experience, the reluctant partner is often simply overwhelmed. They usually want to share the goals and aspirations of their partner, and share in the process of attaining them, but the speed and intensity of the habit changes may be too much.

So if you're just getting into YNAB, break it gently to your partner. Talk about your goals, get on the same page about your finances, then start talking about the process of getting there. Small steps are the key to change!

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello, Wineb First, my name is Jesse Meek from this is podcast number 444.
0:09.7	For Wineb, where we teach you four rules to help you stop living paycheck to
0:12.2	paycheck, get out of debt and save more money.
0:15.0	This is going to be a short one.
0:18.0	We often talk about the reluctant partner and you know this is the person that you would like to have budget with you because you love them. They're awesome. They're your soulmate. They're perfect in every way that is meaningful or they're perfect enough. Let's say that. They're phenomenal and you can't imagine life without
0:35.9	them. But my word, what the heck? Why won't they budget? What's the deal? Why are they
0:42.1	dragging their heels? Why are they dragging their heels? Why are they just kicking and
0:46.9	screaming on this whole thing? You just need him to, you know, fill in the
0:50.0	blank, the reluctant partner. I think it's a misread. Actually I don't think it we've
0:57.2	done research here people. We're getting official. We're getting serious.
1:00.8	We have research to back this up. It's anecdotal, but it's super interesting.
1:07.3	We think the reluctant partner is a misread. We think that it's not nearly as much reluctance as it is being overwhelmed.
1:18.5	I'll just let that sink in for a moment. Are you're are you overwhelming this reluctant partner?
1:27.0	Is the partner reluctant because they're overwhelmed?
1:29.0	They're willing?
1:30.0	It's just freaking them out.
1:32.0	It's just freaking him out. It's just too much. They have so much going on, so many other concerns, so many other worries. My word, can we have more worries? And now you're just giving them more work
1:45.2	and oh my gosh, it's just crazy.
1:47.2	And he or she's talking about this, this, this,
1:49.3	this, and they're just overwhelmed. We often talk about how you can kind of do an end around, do a sneak attack, and
1:57.4	secretly budget for something that that reluctant partner wants, like a vacation. Wouldn't we all love a vacation? Anyway, so you
2:09.0	save up for it and then you teach him, you show him, you demonstrate that the budget made that possible.
	...

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