Hi! You're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about relationship myths. Some myths are not only false, they're potentially

destructive. They can lead couples down the wrong path,

or even worse, convince them that their relationship is a lost cause. There's actually a bunch of

relationship myths, so we're debunking some of them, like the myth that conflict is a sign that

you're in a bad relationship. Sorry to break it to you, but conflict is inevitable in all relationships.

And there's actually a good reason for it, even though conflicts can sometimes be uncomfortable,

and it may not feel good at the time.

Conflicts can help you understand your partner.

They usually happen after missed attempts to communicate, especially if one person is trying to get emotionally

closer to the other. Conflicts also come up when partners have different expectations. For example,

what if you expect your partner to initiate intimacy? But your partner has no idea that you're

waiting on them to make a move. What could turn into an argument could possibly be solved with a

clear understanding of each

other's expectations. Oh, and while we're at it, not all relationship conflicts can be solved.

A lot of conflicts are the same ones over and over again. Sound familiar? All that really matters

is that you're accepting each other's differences and able to have a conversation about it to

avoid gridlock and resentment. The goal is to manage these perpetual problems. Don't worry about a

resolution. There's also a myth that love is enough. Just loving someone is definitely not enough,

because relationships are hard work. It's super common for people to stop courting

each other and stop making romance, great sex, fun, and adventure a priority. Relationships can

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