Hi. You're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less. Today's tip is about

building emotional intelligence. Do you know what that is? Emotional intelligence is the

ability to accurately perceive your own

and others' emotions, to understand the signals that emotions send about relationships, and to handle

your own and others' emotions. That sounds like a lot, right? So think about it like this. It's understanding

and working through each other's emotions emotions and getting how that can affect your

relationship. Emotional intelligence can determine how successful you'll be in life. And this might sound

wild, but it's even more important than your IQ. The ability to understand other people and work with

them is crucial. So that's a big deal for kids to learn as they grow up,

but it's also important in friendships and romantic relationships. How do you build emotional

intelligence? It starts with you, because you have to understand and recognize your own feelings

first. Get emotional and dig deep. And remember to get emotional with your

child or partner, too. You can be angry, hurt, disappointed, tense, frustrated, or whatever. And so can

they. Let them know that their emotions are okay with you too, and vocalize that you understand

how they feel. Let's say you and your partner are arguing because

they left the door unlocked all night. It's always been their responsibility to lock up before bed

because they stay up later. And when you woke up in the morning and saw the front door was unlocked,

you immediately told your partner that you're upset that they forgot. You explain how it made you feel

unsafe. And in fact, you're angry. You're building emotional intelligence in that moment by expressing

your feelings. Your partner can reciprocate by saying something like, I get where you're coming from.

I'm sad that I made you feel that way. I'm so sorry. It won't happen again. Or maybe you made a mistake.

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