Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about falling in love with your partner again.

When you first fell in love, you probably asked your partner a bunch of questions to get to know them and connect with them.

It was fun and exciting, but over time maybe you forgot to keep learning.

Maybe you think you already know everything about them.

But actually, some couples have little knowledge of their partner's inner world. And that can be a problem because getting curious about your partner isn't just an important part of falling in love. It also helps you stay in love. So what kind of questions should you be asking your partner to relight that fire? Try quizzing each other with a love map exercise. It's where you ask each other a

wide range of questions that'll develop a greater personal insight and a more detailed map of each other's

lives and worlds. You can ask questions that are probably super easy, like, where was I born? Who are my two

closest friends? And other questions that are more difficult,

like, do I have a secret ambition? What is it? As simple as this sounds, if you or your partner

has a reaction like, you don't know where I was born? After all these years, it could go from

fun and playful to hurtful and disappointing and could lead to criticism.

So set some ground rules before you start.

One, it's okay not to know all the answers.

It's even good if you don't, because you can learn something new about each other.

Maybe you had no idea that your partner has big dreams

of traveling the world one day, or ambitions to be a volunteer, and help other people.

Asking each other questions is an opportunity to reconnect and update each other. If you don't

know something, make that a topic of conversation, even for just a minute or two.

The second ground rule is to understand that it's not necessarily the fault of the partner who doesn't know the answer.

So don't play the blame game.

Remember that communication is a two-way street.

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