tis the season Paul it is tis tis tis the holiday season I don't know if you've already bought me

a Christmas gift or not okay I'm not telling okay but if you haven't uh-huh I was looking at

the goop gift guide okay I have some ideas excellent not saying which is top of my list here. Okay. Just throw in some stuff out there. See what sticks. Great. I'm going to take notes. Like spaghetti against the wall. Right. It's done when it sticks. So on the Goop Gift Guide, you can get, I don't know, perhaps like a whole hamon. A whole hamon. A hunch of pork for only $300. It is the actual cheapest thing I see. I was going to say, that doesn't sound too crazy. It's like pork. I mean, it's crazy, but like... It's pork from Spain. Yeah. It's like, it's imported pork. Yeah. So, you know, it's fancy. It's fancy pork. There's a bag of manure. And I don't know if I explain. This might need some context. It's from Flamingo Estates. Okay. Am I meant to know what Flamingo Estates are? No, I don't know. It's free-range compost. Great. Courtesy of Flamingo states' four-legged friends. So cows, courses. What have you. I thought perhaps it was Flamingo manure. I've seen flamingo manure, believe it or not. Because you're from Florida. A bag of it really, you need a lot of flamingos to fill this bag. It's only $75.

And for $75.

$75.

For a literal bag of shit.

God.

You know what would be like what a flex it would be to light that on fire or leave it on someone's doorstep?

I mean, that is a good power move.

That's something like the Roy family in succession would do.

Yeah, but you know, if it's high-quality manure, is it going to smell better when you burn it? No, it would probably somehow smell worse. That's true. If you eat a lot of vegetables, you'll be able to... The gas is not less aromatic after a head of cauliflower. You know what I mean? Okay, there's a two-person full-spectrum infrared sauna for only $8,000.

For only $8,000. cauliflower you know what I mean okay there's a two-person full-spectrum infrared sauna for only

$8,000 for only $8,000 yeah yeah yep yep there's a joint rolling machine because

Gwyneth is nothing but not fucking cool that's true like a joint okay so you joint rolling because

I'm so square I thought it was like a foam roller. No, no, no, no. It actually

makes you some some marijuana cigarettes. Yes, yeah, some fun cigarettes. Some doobies. $300 to

connect with your higher self. But, okay, look, if I'm being honest, I'm just beating around the bush here

because the thing I really want. Okay. Kiki did Montparnasse tufted boudoir chaise, which is a $29,000 sex bed. Okay. I know what you're thinking. Aren't all beds, sex beds? I mean, it seems redundant. Okay, Paul, but like you could brush your teeth with your finger, but would you? No. So why would you have sex on a normal bed? Wait, let me see the picture. On a non-tuffed boudoir shez. And this is non-refundable. This is non-refundable. It is $28,500. That's it? There's only three left. There's only three left? It literally says you're only three left. And it's got, it's got, for those of you who can't see, it's got a stool for, for mounting. For mounting for when you want to love someone from a mounted position. And be good for your knees. Be kind to your knees. Cushinging, cushioning on the joints. Yep. It's got stirrups. It does. It has... The cowgirl ride in action. It has some reins for... I'm not entirely sure what the reins are for. I literally... Okay, look, I know it's been a minute. I know I've had a fallow spell sexually. Been a bit of a valley. but it's been and I literally was like I

could not fathom I'm so glad you said that because I literally couldn't fathom what the

fuck those two straps are four at the front yeah I'm like is it a bondage thing yeah

listeners reach out go go look up the Kiki de Montparnasse what is it Boud Tufted Boudoir Ches. And let us know. It's on the Goop Guide. If you look at the Goop Holiday Guide, it's there under wellness, comma, sex toys. Let us know if we, what those reins at the top or for. Maybe we're just too old and not flexible enough to know. Maybe like they whip your legs back over your head somehow in some way that we can't understand. Oh, maybe. Yeah, they're like leg restraints so that you can get a real good stretch. For those of us that can lie and like make our legs like a V. Oh, God. Oh, to have that kind of joint control anymore.

My hips can't take it, frankly.

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