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The Mel Robbins Podcast

The Reality of Adult Friendship: Here’s Why You’re Lonely & How to Make Real Friends as an Adult

The Mel Robbins Podcast

SiriusXM Podcasts

Health & Fitness, Society & Culture, Education, Self-improvement, Mental Health, Relationships

4.715.3K Ratings

🗓️ 7 May 2026

⏱️ 79 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

If you’ve ever felt like making friends as an adult feels impossible, or you’ve looked around and thought, "Where did all my friends go?" – you are not alone. Or maybe you have friends, and you want deeper connections, but you don’t know how to create it without forcing it. Friendship is hard right now. Which is why today, Mel is sitting down with Harvard-trained social scientist and bestselling author, Kasley Killam, who has spent the last 15 years researching friendship, connection, and loneliness. Have you ever wondered why the friendships that once felt close now feel distant? Why you genuinely want to see people more, but somehow always end up canceling? Or why making new friends as an adult feels so forced and exhausting when it never used to? There's a reason for all of that. And today, Kasley is giving you the answer. She is also raising the stakes on friendship and explaining why social health is the missing key to living a longer, healthier, and happier life. Kasley has conducted positive psychology research at the University of Pennsylvania and launched an award-winning initiative at Stanford that promotes empathy and kindness. And in this conversation, she’s here to clear up the confusion, cut through the excuses, and give you the tools that make connection feel doable again. You’ll also learn the 4 friendship styles - and identify which one you are - so you’ll finally understand why friendship drains you, why it feels easy for some people, and what you specifically need to create the relationships you want. In this episode, you’ll learn: -Why adult friendship feels so hard (and how to make it easier) -Why social health is a missing pillar of well-being -The Excuse vs. Need framework for connection -The Swap Strategy to feel less lonely, fast -The 5-3-1 Rule for stronger friendships -How to deepen the relationships you already have -Exactly how to make new friends as an adult -Why connection is essential - not optional No matter your age or stage of life, it’s not too late. If you’ve felt lonely, disconnected, or like building real friendship is impossible, this conversation will show you exactly what to do next, with steps that are simple, specific, and realistic. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page. If you liked the episode, check out this one next: What Makes a Good Life? Lessons From the Longest Study on Happiness Connect with Mel: Order Mel’s new product, Pure Genius Protein Get Mel’s newsletter, packed with tools, coaching, and inspiration. Get Mel’s #1 bestselling book, The Let Them Theory Watch the episodes on YouTube Follow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast Instagram Mel's TikTok Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes ad-free Disclaimer

Transcript

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0:00.0

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast.

0:08.9

Let's just come out and say it.

0:11.4

Friendship.

0:12.6

It's really hard right now.

0:14.8

And I want to tell you, you're not the only one who feels like life is just this giant blur of work and errands and stress and taking care of

0:21.6

family. I mean, none of us know where all of our friends went or how to make new ones.

0:27.4

You know, in fact, I polled our audience of 30 million people online. And here's what you told me.

0:33.8

86% of you want better friendships. But the majority of you are saying it's very hard to meet new friends.

0:41.8

And you even admit that you'd rather be at home alone than make the effort.

0:46.6

So today, here's what you and I are doing.

0:49.3

We have a Harvard-trained social scientist who's been researching friendship, connection, and loneliness for

0:54.1

15 years here in our Boston studio. And she's brought tools that will help you feel more connected

1:01.5

in your life starting today. And she will also share a compelling reason based on decades of

1:07.2

research why it matters that you take this part of your life seriously. You know,

1:13.4

it reminds me of this quote that I love. Everyone wants a village. Nobody wants to be a villager.

1:20.7

Well, today, you and I are going to be the villager because the village isn't something you find.

1:27.3

It's something you built.

1:29.7

And there are specific steps that you can take, excuses that you must leave behind, and simple

1:37.3

habits that will make new connections appear, and your existing relationships become deeper

1:43.0

and more meaningful.

1:45.0

Because connection isn't a nice to have.

1:48.8

It's one of the most important requirements

...

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