you still don't know what it is to surrender.

How unnatural it feels to surrender.

You tell yourself that you have surrendered and you look around waiting for your blessing.

You want to be blessed always and always and you've been praying always.

But it feels like nothing is happening, like nothing

is moving, like you're at a standstill, like you're handcuffed, blindfolded, disadvantaged,

but you're not gagged, you're not muzzled, you have the use of your mouth, of your tongue,

it is a flame, and you begin to pray more fervently.

You pray with words you don't understand, but I hear loud and clear.

You pray for everything all at once.

You touch every part of your life, all at at once with this prayer that you're praying now.

And all at once there is no blindfold.

There are no cuffs.

There is no you.

Just spirit, just a flame.

All thoughts are consumed in this.

By me.

Good ones, bad ones.

Two sides of the same coin.

This is how you won, how you unlocked every mystery, how you received, every blessing set aside for you.

Every grace.

All of my mercy, all of my tears were for you.

...