The Patina Princess
Bitch Bible
PodcastOne
4.6 • 14.8K Ratings
🗓️ 23 June 2026
⏱️ 73 minutes
🔗️ Recording | Apple Podcasts | RSS
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Jackie is hunkered down against toxic smoke and gives an update on the backyard renovation, ridicules Andrew’s new recreational basketball league, and marvels at his lack of wedding music knowledge.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Good morning, everybody. It's bright. It's early. It's Father's Day. I have a very small window to record these episodes because it is just a war zone over at my house. I love every second. I love the dust. I love the asbestos. I love the mechanics. I love the fumes. I love the camaraderie. I love construction. And if that makes me a bad person, let's start |
| 0:39.1 | this over again. Terrible intro. No, you know what? I'm just going to let it roll. I'm just |
| 0:43.6 | going to let it roll. It's a clunky liftoff. It's like Spirit Airlines, but like we're going to make it |
| 0:48.6 | to the destination. Where is the destination? I don't know, Planned Parenthood. Anyways, I'm feeling |
| 0:54.0 | good. I'm feeling sprightly. |
| 0:56.3 | It's Father's Day. And, you know, in typical Shimmel hyphen Haas fashion, how are we celebrating? |
| 1:02.1 | I've chucked my child off. And Andrew is wait for it, gulfing with my dad and my brother-in-law. |
| 1:09.3 | Now, here's the good news. There was a wildly national, |
| 1:14.3 | catastrophic, extremely, extremely contaminated warehouse fire in downtown L.A. |
| 1:23.5 | Gaviner Nussum, Gaviner. There we go. The Gavonator. Gavon Newsom declared a state of emergency |
| 1:32.5 | because of all the toxic chemicals that were in this warehouse that became a blaze last night, |
| 1:39.2 | or maybe it was like a few days ago, don't really, I, words, the brain and the mouth are not connected at all. |
| 1:46.1 | Like, moving forward, we're just going to have to turn a blind eye because it's getting |
| 1:50.9 | a little hooked on phonics when I listen back to me speaking. Like, my sister asked me what I |
| 1:55.5 | had for lunch yesterday and meals are my life. And when I tell you, it took me 13 minutes to recollect what I had for |
| 2:03.2 | lunch, I could not fucking remember, mom brain, mama bear, get her a cross-body bag and a French |
| 2:11.1 | tip. I'm just a mama. Kill me. It's not like things aren't connected. But anyways, back to the |
| 2:17.3 | wildfire. So there was this |
| 2:18.9 | really big fire in downtown LA. And apparently the smoke and the chemicals and the contaminants |
| 2:24.0 | have been lingering in the air and they finally made their way to my little slice of suburban heaven. |
| 2:30.9 | So the air quality, no point. No. And I said to Andrew this morning, I'm like, are you still |
| 2:36.6 | going to go golfing? Because like, it smells terrible outside. It's hazy. It's got that like, |
... |
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