The One Who Stays and the One Who Goes

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

Esther Perel Global Media

Mental Health, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Education, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 15.6K Ratings

🗓️ 10 November 2025

⏱️ 56 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

They met in vet school and married just as they reached graduation. But now his work takes him around the world, forcing them to live apart for months at a time. He’s ready to start a family, but she’s hesitant: how can they think about children when they’re often separated by distance? As they wonder about their next phase of life, Esther helps them uncover what sits beneath the surface: the loneliness of the one who stays, the guilt of the one who goes, and the challenge of learning to stay connected across miles of separation. Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	None of the voices in this series are ongoing patients of Esther Perel.
0:05.0	Each episode of Where Should We Begin is a one-time counseling session.
0:10.0	For the purposes of maintaining confidentiality, names and some identifiable characteristics have been removed,
0:17.0	but their voices and their stories are real.
0:20.0	It's time for Blanche! moved, but their voices and their stories are real.
0:26.3	It's time for Black Friday at Dell Technologies.
0:31.2	Save big on PCs like the Dell 16 Plus featuring Intelcore Ultra Processors.
0:34.0	Shop now at Dell.com.org slash Black Friday.
0:37.1	Support for this show comes from Delta. I know where I want to be. So how do I get there?
0:42.4	It's the question at the start of every season. It begins with small steps and every step propels you
0:49.0	toward new heights because there's always more potential to own. And Delta Airlines is there to help connect you to your full potential.
0:57.3	That's why Delta is the official airline of the National Women's Soccer League,
1:01.4	helping you get to where you need to be, from season kickoff to the championships.
1:23.6	They met in veterinary school and they were five years together, where they had very much of a shared reality, both professionally and on a daily basis. I always joke that like if you can get through vet school together, you can pretty much do anything.
1:29.3	That was basically in the trenches together trying to get through that.
1:33.8	I mean, we have both been through just kind of very stressful, you know, veterinary school is not a walk in the park.
1:41.3	Now he's in graduate school and that has taken him into the field for months on end
1:47.0	and there have been a lot of challenges about how they are both living, different realities.
1:55.0	He travels often for his work, usually gone for weeks to months,
2:01.6	which leaves me working my full-time job,
2:06.7	dealing with all of our animals and the house by myself,
2:11.6	which can be really taxing for me.
	...

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