I've got about 10 seconds to tell you how to get two-for-one tickets for top-draud comedy nights near you, thanks to our friends of the TV channel Dave at Absolute Radio.com.com. Also, I've got to tell you about how you can win prices while you're there, too. I've run out of time, though.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Absolute Radio.

Hello and welcome to Not the Weekend podcast.

Hold on. Wednesday morning.

It's lovely, isn't it that?

I love Wednesday morning.

Trips off the tongue.

So I'm with, this is Frank Skinner in case you hadn't worked that bit out.

I don't know why I should assume. Yeah. You could be just, you know, flicking through the internet at random. And I'd like to start by saying, Frank has complained because I sprayed perfume in the studio. Well, I just think. He said it was worse than smoking? I said it was as bad as smoking. Oh, that's so reasonable, though. I personally would have stepped outside and sprayed and then come back in. And then, you know... It's not like going to the loo. It's just spraying perfume. I like women to smell like women. What's that like? Like, they haven't bathed? I also like women to smell like swimming. You know, that kind chlorite? Yeah, I like that as well. Kind of sort of a humid atmosphere in swimming pools. What sort of perfume is it because people could spray it at home and get the full experience? Oh, I don't know. I don't want to be advertising perfume. What do you think I am? Nicole? Kid, man. Is it Jordan's new fragrance?

No

Anyway that's enough about my perfume

But it won't happen again

Next time

Don't be so touchy

I just spoke to you

I thought I was very open and nice about it

I just I don't know

I was on tour once

And the Support Act's girlfriend

sat in the changing The dressing dressing room thing, whatever they're called. That room you're sitting before you go on stage. The decompression chamber. And she did her finger nails, you know, nail varnish. A nail pot of varnish. And that arm, it really got on my chest. Yeah, because my perfume really smells like nail varnish. Well, there's a similarity, though, but I felt like I've got brucellosis. Well, the Blackpool Cab Driver likes my perfume, but that's another story. It is another story, but it's a good one. Speaking of princesses, yes. Did you remember that woman, the woman who went to Disneyland, well, she tried to go into Disneyland, dressed as a princess. Yeah. And she was banned. That's what I call the dress code. She was wearing. Although having said that, have you seen a picture of the woman? No. She had on weird kind of glasses and a 20-pound Oxfam wedding dress.

So I just think they thought she was mental.

I don't think it's because she was a princess.

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