Bella Swans got a new boyfriend and he sucks.

You're listening to the Nibbler podcast, the Twilight Book Club for April Fools.

A few small shutters trembled through me.

My mind still squirled dizzily full of images I couldn't understand, and some I fought to repress.

Nothing seemed clear at first.

It was I fell gradually closer to unconsciousness.

A few certainties became evident.

About three things I was absolutely positive.

First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him, and I didn't know how potent that part might be that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

I'm Heather Pricewright.

And I'm Alex Dallenberg.

And welcome to the first edition of The Nibbler.

This month, honestly, this two months, we read book one of the Twilight saga, which is just

called Twilight.

In this podcast, you will hear plenty of cursing

and you will hear spoilers. For the first Twilight book, Alex doesn't actually know what

happens in the most of the series. So, but you do. I do. Because in fact, I have read all of these

books, which maybe is a little embarrassing,

but you know what? I'm going to own it. You will also, this week, hear some adult themes.

This week's adult themes are abstinence, foster care, dating older men, bloodlust, regular lust, slow speed collisions, talking about the weather, dark

alleys, pathological clumsiness, vegetarianism, extraneous details, the medieval church, Spanish influenza,

flowers in the attic, gothic kids, Native American treaties, lingering

...