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Stop. I could never express how much I deserve that.

Happy Wednesday, everyone.

So as divorce rumors swirled, Barack and Michelle Obama were spotted on a swanky date night in NYC.

To avoid any public displays of affection that might be caught by paparazzi,

they went with each other.

The Secret Service suspended two female officers

for attacking each other outside the Obama residents last week.

Luckily, there were no injuries because girls can't fight.

Good one, Greg. I didn't write it. Or did I? I think I did. All right. Rescuers in South

Africa are preparing to return an elephant seal to the ocean after it wandered into a residential

neighborhood.

Well, here in the States, of course,

elephant seals have a habit of wandering into TV studios.

Mail that one in.

According to a new study, women like to date younger partners just as much as men do.

That's why Leslie Stahl's dating

...