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A year ago, I was a guest on a live call-in show.

Welcome, I'm Holly Kernen, and this is your call.

That day on your call, Holly was discussing choices in childbirth.

Holly gave birth in 1999, and like me, she wanted to do it naturally.

And then the actual day comes.

And it is nothing like I've imagined or planned for.

It seems like every device in the hospital is attached to me, and I am being pumped full

of drugs.

I am throwing up purple coolade and begging for an epidural.

Half a day later, thanks to a caesarian, I gratefully meet a healthy baby girl.

And yet, I feel like I've failed somehow.

Like I wasn't strong enough to resist the pain killers.

Like I copped out and had a caesarian.

That feeling of failure is so familiar to me.

...