The Mental Load Solution: The New Tool That *Actually* Sets You Free
After Bedtime with Big Little Feelings
Dear Media and Big Little Feelings
4.5 • 5.8K Ratings
🗓️ 6 May 2026
⏱️ 44 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
You are not overwhelmed because you’re bad at balance. You’re overwhelmed because you’re carrying an entire operating system in your head for running a home and caring for kids, and no one ever taught you how to turn it off. You’ve split the tasks, had the talks, been very clear about “I just need more help.” And still, you’re the one remembering, anticipating and managing everything.
This isn’t about who’s doing more, it’s about who’s mentally running the entire show. And if that’s you?? Of course you’re exhausted. In this episode, we’re blowing up the biggest lie we’ve all been fed: That the mental load is a communication problem. It’s not. It’s an infrastructure problem. And once you see it, you cannot unsee it, which is exactly why this conversation is so crucial.
Deena sits down with Kelly Hubbell, founder of Sage Haus, mom of three, and an accidental genius who built a solution most of us didn’t even know was possible, to break down:
• Why even “equal” partnerships still leave moms carrying ~70% of the mental load
• The 5 invisible layers running in your brain 24/7 (this alone will blow your mind, and unlock real change)
• Why “just tell me what to do” is actually adding to your exhaustion
• The real reason you feel burnt out - even if you have childcare
• The exact shift that takes you from constant resentment and overwhelm to *actual* relief
And then, we push into the uncomfortable truth: What if the answer isn’t doing more… or communicating better?? What if the answer is… you stop doing it all?? Not in a reckless way, but in a new, radically supported way. We’re talking about a level of support that doesn’t just check tasks off a list, it removes the invisible weight from your brain. The kind that gives you hours back every single week, and lets you actually be with your kids instead of managing life around them - one that shifts your relationship, your energy, your entire home.
And yes, we explicitly tackle every elephant in the room: The cost, the guilt, the “this feels indulgent - is this too much?” spiral. (If that thought just hit you, you need to listen to this episode.) Because by the end, you’re going to realize something: You were never supposed to carry all of this alone. Press play if you’re ready to stop managing everything yourself, and finally experience what it feels like to be fully supported at home.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | The following podcast is a Dear Media production. |
| 0:05.2 | Welcome back to After Bedtime. |
| 0:07.6 | Today's episode is going to completely change how you think about the mental load, why it feels so heavy, why it's not getting better no matter how many well-meaning conversations you're having and the exact practical shifts that |
| 0:22.5 | actually will make it lighter. We have a guest today who's coming on to unpack it all and give |
| 0:28.6 | us real tools that you can start using today. Welcome to after bedtime, where the house is |
| 0:35.5 | finally quiet, but the real noise begins. The thoughts, the questions, |
| 0:40.3 | the wondering if you're doing any of this right. We're Kristen and Dina, child behavior experts, |
| 0:46.0 | moms and co-founders of big little feelings, and we're not here to give you more pressure |
| 0:50.6 | or perfect parenting energy. Nope. We're here to tell the truth, the unfiltered, beautiful, brutal truth about what it means to raise |
| 0:58.5 | kids and re-raise ourselves in the process. |
| 1:02.1 | Because parenting isn't just about sleep schedules and snack hacks. |
| 1:05.4 | It's about healing. |
| 1:06.5 | It's about breaking cycles. |
| 1:08.2 | It's about becoming the kind of adult you want your kids to grow up to be. |
| 1:11.9 | This is the place where we say the quiet parts out loud, and we're so glad that you're here. |
| 1:17.7 | Okay, before we dive into all this with our guests today, let's catch up, besties. |
| 1:22.4 | Okay, I had this moment this morning where my four-year-old was getting ready for his little |
| 1:26.8 | preschool day, |
| 1:27.7 | and he said, let me get my backpack. Okay, I froze. I literally froze in my tracks when he said |
| 1:36.3 | this because he said backpack and not pack pack like he used to. And oh my God, it killed me. It like my mom heart, I could not handle it. |
| 1:48.2 | It was just that moment where it's like, okay, they're really growing up right in front of my eyes. |
| 1:53.7 | Pack pack is gone. I'm never going to hear pack pack again. And it's so amazing to watch who they're |
... |
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