The lies we told as teens, and how our parents totally saw through them.

In back-to-back sentences, I asked my dad if he monitored our internet history, and if paying

for things online showed up on his credit card statement. I was convinced I'd successfully

passed these off as just two harmless, unrelated questions. My sister once tried to dramatically reveal to my parents that I'd been doing the deed with my partner since I turned 16.

My mother responded with,

I know, I may be old, but I'm not deaf.

I remember being in third grade and discovering I could erase math problems from my math book.

Uh, yeah, Mum, the book came like that,

with those massive empty spaces between the problems. God, I was an idiot. When I was in my high

school, I'd smoke green herb and do the old tail under the door trick. Of course, my parents would

call me out on it being there and would make comments, but I was pretty sure I had them tricked

with the incense that I was burning. Then one day I must have pushed it too far by taking

gravity pipe rips with my buddy. I hear a stern knocking on the door and an, open up Derek,

we need to talk. My friend and I and our incredibly medicated state were going, oh God,

oh God, oh God, and in my genius, I stammered out,

I can't. We're undressed. This is followed by an, oh? We came downstairs awkwardly 30 minutes later,

and my dad and I never spoke of that moment again. In short, my dad knows that I smoke green herb

in bedroom with my friend. I turned the tables and make it more awkward for my dad

to talk about it than it's worth. Okay, reading these others gave me the frickin' chills, thinking back

to when I was 13 to 15, and I had to whack it off all the time. I'd go into the bathroom, turn

the fan on, turn music on, and act like I was going number two for 20 minutes. While I cranked it to a dirty

birthday card my dad had gotten a few years prior. As if that wasn't obvious enough, when I actually

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