The language patterns of the abusive person
Love and Abuse
Paul Colaianni
4.7 • 877 Ratings
🗓️ 13 August 2025
⏱️ 25 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
The way someone talks about their relationship reveals a lot. Abuse victims and perpetrators each have their own language patterns. Knowing these language patterns will help you understand on which side of the fence you're on.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to Love and Abuse, the show about navigating the difficult relationship, |
| 0:05.0 | from simple disagreements to emotionally abusive behaviors. |
| 0:08.1 | You deserve respecting kindness. |
| 0:10.5 | All the information on this show is meant for educational purposes only. |
| 0:13.9 | Always seek a professional for your mental health and well-being, and always pick your battles wisely. |
| 0:19.1 | I'm your host, Paul Koliani. |
| 0:30.6 | Hurtful, manipulative, controlling, emotionally abusive people explain their problem with you differently than you explain your problem with them. If you've been listening |
| 0:41.3 | a while, you have heard me talk about people who write into me and ask, I don't know if I'm |
| 0:47.1 | the abusive one. I don't know if I'm the hurtful, the harmful one. And I usually have the same |
| 0:52.5 | response to most people that write to me. I usually answer it on the show. And I usually have the same response to most people that write to me. I usually |
| 0:56.3 | answer it on the show. And that is that if you are trying to change for someone else to |
| 1:04.3 | accommodate, to please, to make things better, to please them, to make the relationship better. |
| 1:11.6 | And you're questioning, who is the abusive one? |
| 1:15.2 | Who is the toxic one in the relationship? |
| 1:18.2 | Because I get that question a lot. |
| 1:20.4 | I don't know if I'm the toxic one. |
| 1:21.7 | I don't know if I'm the abusive one because they say I am abusive. |
| 1:26.8 | If I point something out that they're doing, they say that I'm doing that. |
| 1:31.3 | And so I get that question a lot and I just read a question today. |
| 1:35.3 | I'm not going to read it on the air, but it had to do with somebody in an emotionally abusive |
| 1:41.3 | relationship who finally can't take it anymore and starts becoming |
| 1:45.1 | reactively abusive or reactive abuse. |
... |
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