Hi and welcome back to the Carol Markowitz show on I Heart Radio.

A few episodes ago I said that it's a cop-out to tell people that they should settle

because it's the wrong advice to give it's it's the nice advice it tells people that

they are perfect just the way they are and their standards are simply too high and

that's just generally not the case. There's a meme I see shared a lot

especially around Valentine's Day. It says I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I'm out of control and at times hard to handle but if you can't handle me at my worst

then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best

The line is attributed to Marilyn Monroe, though there's no

evidence Monroe ever actually said it. Sometimes the quote is just the last line

that you can't handle me at my worst and you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

It's usually accompanied by a picture of a smoking hot Monroe,

oozing sex appeal, and challenging anyone to not want her even at her worst.

But it's a deeply damaging idea.

For one thing, none of us are Marilyn Monroe.

For another, the idea that we don't need to change anything about ourselves

and are perfect just the way we are can hinder finding a good partner and a healthy relationship.

The fact is, if you are perpetually single and can never meet

anyone, there are probably some things you can change about yourself. And despite what

your friends have told you in unison,

it probably isn't that you're just too awesome

for all the people you meet, too good for them,

too beautiful, too handsome, too amazing.

...