The House You Can Aggressively Have Access To
The Luke and Pete Show
Stak Production
4.8 • 1.9K Ratings
🗓️ 5 March 2026
⏱️ 31 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Luke is in the purgatory of British house-buying — a process his Wife He Has Access To finds baffling when you can apparently just kick a door in and claim land in Connecticut.
Plus, Pete has been dragged into a six-quid Vinted dispute over some trousers that were definitely brown in the photo and has emerged victorious, slightly guilty, heartfelt hospital stories and a new genre of music called Egg Punk — *basically* as it sounds.
Send us your latest stories, questions and comments here: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com.
The Luke and Pete Show is the sometimes ridiculous, always funny podcast with Luke Moore and Pete Donaldson: two men who have time on their hands and a good idea of how to waste it. Subscribe to get your comedy podcast fix every Monday and Thursday.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Let's a look at a picture. I am Pete Donaldson. I'm joined by Mr. Lukie Moore. |
| 0:09.1 | How the devil are you doing? |
| 0:10.8 | Be loved as well, thanks. You're not too bad. |
| 0:12.8 | How's the house move going? How's the old house? |
| 0:14.7 | Still going. Still going. Still going, boy. |
| 0:16.7 | Lovely. It's the British way. We, especially English way specifically. We have to, we have to just hang around. You decide you want to buy my house. I decide I want to buy that house. They decide I want to buy that house. We all agree. We all say yes. And then we get to sit around for three months. People are filling farms and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And that I... I... I don't know. I don't fucking know. Yeah. I think there's one out in the street. I think. I think there's one there. As is in the street, yeah. Yeah. It's annoying that. It's always... Apparently there's always a spiders of... Families of spiders hiding hiding down there it's like i i just want to |
| 0:55.2 | say to the people involved i just i just want to say look here's a piece of paper that i'll sign |
| 1:02.3 | with a witness saying yeah i've lived in this house for 12 years it's been fine right there's no |
| 1:08.4 | reason it's going to change just because a new bunch of people are moving in um |
| 1:12.2 | i've had one problem with the roof which i've fixed i had one uh other problem which i've fixed |
| 1:16.9 | and uh other than that i've had no problems whatsoever the neighbors are all nice would you like me |
| 1:21.1 | to take a photo a selfie with each of my neighbors to show it there my friends happy to do that |
| 1:25.2 | and then we can all move on with our lives. |
| 1:28.9 | That's what I'd like to do, |
| 1:30.5 | but there's loads of reasons and several thousands of pounds |
| 1:33.5 | worth of, you know, benefit to the economy |
| 1:37.0 | to say that I can't do that. |
| 1:38.5 | So there we go. |
| 1:39.6 | And also, the other thing is that estate agents are totally paranoid |
| 1:43.8 | about you being in contact with the people who are buying your property and whose property you're buying. |
| 1:51.1 | Because I think they get worried you're going to cut them out the deal. |
| 1:53.3 | Yes. Yeah. And that and that presumably has happened, will happen. |
... |
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