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Keeping Records

The Higher the Heel, the Closer to God

Keeping Records

Headgum

Comedy, Society & Culture, Places & Travel, Comedy Interviews, Documentary

5 • 726 Ratings

🗓️ 8 October 2021

⏱️ 59 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

It has been a week of fending off requests from incredibly rich and famous celebrities, Nobel Prize laureates, the greatest writers, mathematicians, and physicists of our age, emails coming in four times an hour—"Please, please allow this unbelievably brilliant environmental scientist to personally curate a Golden Record to send into outer space!" "Caleb and Shelby, this former President of the United States needs to guest on the show this week, it's incredibly important." "You guys, we will give you a quarter of a million dollars if you allow this star of a classic '90s sitcom to talk about The Culture™️ with you in order to reinvigorate his career." We said no to all of them. And we did it for you, the listener. Caleb and Shelby sit down for another episode of just the two of them. They sing a little, they preach a little, the cry a little, they bark a little. They talk their evolving living situations, some of their own Golden Record picks and Delete-Its, and some of YOUR Golden Record picks and Delete-Its. Artifacts Discussed Cheez-It Christmas The feeling of finding a four leaf clover The music of Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark Dogs with Frito feet Shrek 2 Auntie Anne’s in the airport Fergie singing the American National Anthem Mariah Carey singing "All I Want for Christmas is you" live Ranch dressing Dollar General brand mac and cheese Couture fashion (not Juicy Couture) The feeling of being so happy to see your friends that you cry Getting stoned and drinking coffee  -- Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript

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0:00.0

This is a head gum original.

0:03.0

In 1977, NASA sent two solid gold records into space, so that aliens might find them and understand life on Earth.

0:20.0

I sent greetings on behalf of the people of our friendly wishes to all who we encounter this voyager.

0:27.7

Now, we're making new records with our friends.

0:31.7

Hello, good-jord, our moon.

0:32.8

Hello.

0:33.3

Hello.

0:34.6

We step out of our solar system into the universe seeking only peace and friendship.

0:42.6

We know full well that our planet and all its inhabitants are but a small part of this immense universe that surrounds us.

0:52.8

Hello from the children of planet Earth.

0:56.6

Whoa, well, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, well, well, well, we've done it again.

1:09.6

We've gone and fucked the world.

1:13.1

We gave the big middle finger to everyone else in the world.

1:16.9

We've done it again.

1:17.8

We've put our haters in their place with our success.

1:21.0

We've done it again.

1:22.3

We've stacked our bank accounts with furch.

1:34.0

We've done it again. We have no waistlines and zero blemishes we've done it again we are what you think we are which is too good for you we've done it again we fuck anyone we want

1:41.3

wherever we want that's right we went to jail this weekend for public sex.

1:45.6

Because we wouldn't stop fucking people on the bus.

1:49.1

That's right.

1:50.0

We ride the bus in L.A.

...

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