We don't fall in love with the other person. We fall in love with the idealized version of ourselves through their lens.

It's kind of like an unconscious deal that the two of us make in codependency, is that I'm going to be the mother that you didn't have, and you're going to do the same for me.

In the initial phases of that codependency or trauma bonding, it's just so addictive.

Because you get that high, you feel that sense of belonging.

Like, finally, I've met somebody that's going to help quell that little insecure little boy inside that feels like he's not lovable.

And they're doing the same thing on the other side. And eventually after that first six months to a year where that initial honeymoon phase is over, something triggers you,

and now you've gone into some sort of a disillusionment, where they aren't that fantasy that you thought

that they were going to be. Essentially, in codependency, we don't fall in love with the other person.

We fall in love with the idealized version of ourselves through their lens.

And then when it gets taken away, we are so disillusioned because the fantasy didn't turn out

to be real. So there's a crisis of disillusionment that must happen for a relationship to transcend

that immature phase into the mature.

You've ever been in a relationship and you know you're sabotaging it, but you just can't

stop.

You can't overthink that text.

Or you pull away when it's getting too close or you're picking fights or you want to cling tighter when they just want to create space. And maybe you've told yourself, why am I like this? At first it was magic that honeymoon phase, the chemistry, the connection. then boom anxiety comes in the power struggles the shutdowns the reactivity you didn't even know you had in you

you feel crazy that's your nervous system. the connection. And then boom, anxiety comes in, the power struggles, the shutdowns, the reactivity.

You didn't even know you had in you. You feel crazy. That's your nervous system protecting you

from old wounds. And this is one of my favorite topics to talk about today. I'm joined by Dr.

Nima Romani. He's a nervous system and attachment specialist known for his work in shadow integration

and emotional healing. And for more than two decades, he studied the nervous system and what it teaches us about healing, the parts of us that keep sabotaging our relationships.

In this episode, we break down what really ends that honeymoon phase, what power struggles are predictable,

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