The Guru of Failure
The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament
Joey Coco Diaz
4.8 • 18.8K Ratings
🗓️ 17 March 2026
⏱️ 98 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Coco is back baby! Joey Diaz talks with Lee Syatt about how it feels being Coco again and what the difference between Joey and Coco is. Joey and Lee also talk gambling misfortune, getting set up by his neighbor the undercover DEA agent and much more!
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Kick this motherfucker, Neil Lee. |
| 0:05.0 | What's happening, beautiful people? |
| 0:06.7 | Uncle Joey here with Cato, aka Lee Syatt. |
| 0:10.1 | Hey, for another fun-filled episode of the Church of What's Happening Now New Testament. |
| 0:15.2 | It's St. Patty's Day. |
| 0:16.8 | I forgot my green. |
| 0:18.2 | I'm going to wear it, though, later on when I go out and lurk and see what's going on in my fucking town. Happy St. Patty's Day, cock's sucker. Same to you. Dude, I'm such a loser. I never once, like, went out to, like, there's a whole big parade in Boston, green beer. You never did any of that? One time. That's it. One time. I don't need no fucking bagpipes. I'm too old for that shit. |
| 0:39.8 | They come in with the dress. time. That's it. One time. I don't hear no fucking bagpipes. |
| 0:53.5 | I'm too old for that shit. They come in with the dress. Enough. Just give me the fucking that Irish. They don't give a fuck. Just give me the beer. Give me the whiskey. Let's get fucked up. Oh, when I lived in Boston, they fuck. They don't, like, there were bars on the street. Oh, no. I lived on that open in the morning. |
| 0:54.7 | They open at six in the morning. |
| 1:14.8 | Tomorrow, all those bars in the city, those old-time bars, they'll be open at six. Oh. Fucking giving corn beef and cabbage. And fucking, that's the way to do it. I don't know nothing else. These new Gentiles celebrate at night, six in the morning. Oh, I can't imagine taking a shot of whiskey. The cabbage is out. |
| 1:11.6 | The fucking bagpipe is out, but he's got to wait for a eat. Then he can play all the bagpipe he wants when I'm outside, you know what I'm saying? Do you put butter on the cabbage? I don't fucking know, Lee. Come out, Lee. I'm in a bar. Would you put butter from a bar on a cabbage? I don't know. I wouldn't put it. |
| 1:25.6 | I don't put nothing on cabbages. |
| 1:27.1 | I try to get rid of it. |
| 1:28.9 | And I eat the corned beef. |
| 1:30.2 | You know what I'm saying? |
| 1:31.1 | The fuck is right. butter from a bar and a cabbage. I don't know. I don't put it. I don't put nothing on cabbage leave. I try to get rid of it. |
| 1:28.8 | And I eat the corn beef. |
| 1:30.2 | You know what I'm saying? |
| 1:31.1 | The fuck is wrong with you. |
| 1:32.1 | So you're corn beef and cabbages, corned beef? Yeah, I don't give a fuck. I put a little slice. It's a sandwich. It's a little slice of flavor. I'm not going to eat a whole thing of fucking corn beef. |
| 1:41.0 | Like bok choy, they give me that whole thing. |
... |
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