The giant waste of time you spent with someone or someone spent with you

The Overwhelmed Brain

Paul Colaianni

Therapy, Emotions, Sad, Health, Mental Health, Personal, Abuse, Anxiety, Relationships, Health & Fitness, Psychological, Self-improvement, Mind, Stress, Emotional, Anger, Philosophy, Divorce, Psychology, Addiction, Happiness, Happy, Development, Thinking, Success, Education, Frustration, Sadness, Manipulation, Resistance, Brain, Depression, Overwhelm, Mental

4.5 • 2K Ratings

🗓️ 24 August 2025

⏱️ 41 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

If you’ve ever felt like you’re trapped in a time loop of bad relationships or self-destructive patterns, you’re not alone. Why do we sometimes stay in situations that don’t serve us? And were those situations a huge waste of time or something else?

Transcript

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0:00.0	These are my personal opinions. Always seek a professional when you're making choices about your mental health and well-being.
0:11.4	Don't ever take responsibility for wasting someone's life. I hear from people. They tell me that I was in this person's life for many years and I screwed up.
0:24.8	I was emotionally abusive or I did harmful behaviors or I was toxic or even I was a jerk or I cheated and all this stuff that we don't want in a relationship.
0:36.2	I agree.
0:37.4	I hear from people on that side and then I hear from people on the other side saying, stuff that we don't want in a relationship, I agree.
0:41.5	I hear from people on that side, and then I hear from people on the other side saying they were in my life for 15 years, 25 years.
0:46.3	And I feel like I wasted my entire time with them, like all 15 or 25 years.
0:54.0	I feel like I wasted all that time with someone who didn't care about me or didn't love me or didn't give me the life I wanted. And I could have done something else. We don't want to look at a relationship like that or somewhere we lived or a job that we had.
1:18.2	When we look at the past as a waste, we're focused on something that happened, but we're not
1:26.2	focused on what we learned from it.
1:29.2	And I know this sounds very simple.
1:31.2	We learned from our mistakes.
1:32.5	We learned from what happened to us.
1:34.6	And then we also tend to forget how the past shaped us.
1:40.3	And we also tend to forget that when we feel we are responsible for somebody else
1:46.5	wasting their time with us, that they had their own decisions to make, their own lessons
1:52.4	to learn, and they have a responsibility to themselves to stay another day with us or leave. Now there's a caveat to this which is we can or they can be manipulative.
2:08.6	They can be coercive. They can make us think they're going to change.
2:12.6	They can make us think or we can make somebody think that we're going to change or treat them better. Maybe we made a mistake and we say we're not going to make that mistake again and we do.
2:22.3	Maybe there's been cheating and the person says, I'll never cheat again and they do.
2:27.3	Then when we look back on the relationship, we might blame ourselves or they might blame themselves for being so stupid for
2:36.0	staying so long in something that was just a big waste of time.
	...

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