The First Pillar of A Secure Relationship (Window of Tolerance)

Relationship Advice

Colter Bloxom

Relationships, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.4 • 1.7K Ratings

🗓️ 5 January 2026

⏱️ 58 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Window of Tolerance helps explain why one partner often wants to keep talking while the other shuts down, speeds up, or feels totally overwhelmed. In this episode, Colter, Cayla, and Lauren unpack how nervous systems have different thresholds, what it looks like to be inside vs. outside your window, and why both partners are usually dysregulated in conflict—just in opposite ways. You’ll learn how to notice your own cues, call a break before things boil over, and use this language to create more safety, empathy, and connection in day-to-day life together. Main Talking Points: • What “window” means • Different dysregulation styles • Signs you’re in-window • Using body-based cues • Taking breaks wisely • Expanding your window Check out Relationship Academy! Cozy Earth⁠ - Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠Beducate⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. ⁠AG1 - ⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠Simple Practice⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠Skylight⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	All right, if you've ever heard us talk about love languages on the podcast, you know our belief is that just about everybody enjoys all of them.
0:07.3	Maybe some speak louder than others, but almost everyone enjoys physical affection, thoughtful gifts, acts of service, all of it.
0:14.2	Yeah, most of us don't want less love.
0:16.4	We just want it to land.
0:17.9	And that's why Cozy Earth is such a sneaky good gift.
0:21.0	It honestly hits a lot of love languages at once.
0:24.1	If someone's love language is gifts, this one is easy.
0:27.9	Cozy Earth feels thoughtful and elevated like you actually paid attention.
0:31.7	If it's physical affection, their bamboo sheets made from viscos from bamboo are unbelievably
0:36.6	soft and cozy without overheating. I have these on my bed and they are amazing. And for quality time, the bubble cuddle blanket. Yes, rather than just do you want to cuddle with me? It's do you want to be in the comfiest blanket of all time with me? There's even an acts of service piece to it. You're basically saying, I want you to
0:55.0	rest. I want you to be comfortable. I want home to feel good for you. And that's huge, especially
0:59.8	in January when everything feels busy and on the go. When the holidays are over, the thing most of
1:04.9	us crave is rest. Cozy Earth really delivers on that. The comfort lasts well beyond the holidays. It's not a one and done gift.
1:13.4	And it's totally risk for you. There's a 100-night sleep trial so you can really live with it, plus a 10-year warranty, 10 years, which says a lot about the quality.
1:22.8	Give the gift of everyday luxury and make every moment more comfortable. Head to cozy earth.com and use
1:29.3	my code I do for up to 20% off. And if you get a post-purch survey, be sure to mention you
1:35.5	heard about cozy earth right here. It's comfort, connection, and care wrapped up in one really
1:41.2	cozy gift that carries into the new year. Hey friends, welcome to relationship advice.
1:46.2	I'm Colter.
1:47.1	And I'm Lauren, and we will be joined with our friend Kayla in just a moment.
1:50.9	We are all licensed professional therapists and real-life friends who care deeply about
1:55.3	helping people feel more connected in their relationships.
	...

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